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EMAILS TO CHARLES & TARA CARREON FROM [ANONYMOUS] |
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September 29, 2009 From: [Anonymous] Dear Charles: I want to thank you personally for your site, American Buddha. Having extricated ourselves from our slavish, trance-like attitudes toward monastic, Tibetan Buddhism, thanks to a number of auspicious circumstances, it is, nevertheless, a vast, non-populated country when you let go of group think. In other words, it is very lonely. As the teachings always say it must become, if it is to evolve. We have had many experiences, both nurturing and painful regarding our twenty-five year sojourn with Tibetan Buddhism, have met great lamas, such as Trungpa Rinpoche, Dilgo Khentse Rinpoche, Ato Rinpoche, Jamgon Kontrol Rinpoche, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, Trangu Rinpoche and others less known, that have and do manage to transmit the dharma in its essence, despite having to travel in the labyrinthine container known as Tibetan monastic buddhism. We have also had up close and personal experience with the Sakyong's mandala, someone who puts his brother in state care, while buying million dollar houses, and making himself and his group the poster child/organization for diversity, the handicapped and "enlightened society" bringing "compassion" to the masses. Who systematically deconstructed, and re-inventing Chogyam T R's mandala in his own name and corporate image. We watched as no one protested, these so-called warriors, who opted instead for "group harmony" at all costs. We learned that groups can go along with anything and have their freedoms, such as freedom of speech and critical thinking, taken away gladly. We were originally Trungpa students from the early eighties, but got stuck in a domestic servant position that took years to extricate from. I consider Osel Mukpo the worst of the 3 recognitions by Pednor Rinpoche and the person who has absolutely fooled the most people. Probably because the Tibetan monastic hierarchy will let anyone get away with proclaiming themselves an enlightened lama, as long as they are seemingly rich, or are still surrounded by rich benefactors, or have something that can be reciprocally taken advantage of. I think it is also a protective brotherhood, like any patriarchal organization that protects "its own." Besides the fact that 'saving face" is more important, it seems than the lion's roar. I also think that sadly it is because Tibetan lamas have one standard for Asians, where the rumor of charlatanism probably spreads like wildfire, and another for Westerners, who they apparently think aren't going to really practice anyway, so what does it matter. I remember once Trangu Rinpoche saying that actually Westerners deserved more respect as Buddhists than Tibetans, and other Asians, that just grew up with Buddhism. Because, on the contrary, a westerner's connection must be even stronger to the dharma, because it wasn't reinforced in western culture. In fact many older Western Buddhist students had to go against our culture, our family, etc to enter the dharma path. It wasn't popular like it is now. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for being a reference when I have thoughts of vajra hell for daring to think for myself, after 25 years of cultural, Tibetan monastic overlay on my spiritual path. I remember my fresh enthusiasm with Tibetan Buddhism, and then the later years of groupthink in what was left of CTR's sangha, that I allowed to almost destroy any belief in my own intrinsic goodness and awareness, and more importantly, that nearly crushed my ability to critically examine my spiritual path away from the slavish, group conformity that is endemic to most Buddhist groups that I have seen up close, over the years. I particularly enjoyed your
pictorial story of the origins of Ashland community with Gyatrul
Rinpoche. What is so quickly apparent is that it all looks the same,
i.e. "theme and variation" same innocent, Western students, in same
fashion/cultural statements circa 1970's, reverently working happily for
this greater enlightenment brought to you by Tibet. It could have been
early days with CTR, same people, same energy. Although CTR had a
propensity for attracting the craziest energy. That energy, crazy and
iconoclastic is now gone. Now the Sakyong has turned CTR's mandala into
a Confusianistic, Chinese-like court with mandarins, lawyers, corporate
rich benefactors and the rest most confused, or those with livelihoods
to maintain in their old age. It is really a remarkable transformation,
not in small part because of the older CTR students who didn't leave,
knowing the difference between CTR and Osel, and yet still drank the
kool-aid and sat back and watched as CTR's lineage and mandala was
turned into a marketing scheme for the anticipated (correctly) craze of
pop-culture, new age buddhism that is quickly replacing the authentic
dharma. Good luck to those aspiring buddhists who are looking for a
genuine path, with a genuine teacher, as the Buddhist bazaar of
feel-good dharma, is rapidly replacing an authentic path. I think we are at a critical juncture, after the first generational waves of buddhism have come to this country, and how we, as Westerners drank the bathwater, and ignored the baby. It is time to deconstruct and separate the Tibetan monastic, cultural overlay and find the essence of the dharma, the jewel that is always seemingly hidden, but is our own face, our own seat. [Anonymous] From: [Anonymous] Dear Tara by way of Charles: Just to let you know I appreciate your going on RFS, if nothing else, to flush out the last, dank, mushroom like confusion left in the SI dead mandala of stiff birds, rearranging the museum displays. Thanks to your flushing out, I will not waste my time anymore, pretending that this arm of the cult, is any different than SI's own website. These are cultists, even if they see themselves as rebels, they are simply enabling Osel and company to continue on, unabated, by siphoning off and monitoring any thing that would really threaten this monkey show. If you say anything that is truthful or too real, they dismiss you and it. By the way Charles, there is one correction I would make, if you can about the two other sons of CTR. The two sons of L. Diana and CTR were Gesar and Tagi, the latter is the one in state care now, and just like the 12th Trungpa, they have a web site for "chunk change" so they can pretend that they are caring for him, when like the 12th Trungpa, they have simply gotten rid of one "financial burden" (that's how they refer to CTR's son in one board meeting minutes) and one "financial threat", i.e. 12th Trungpa. Bad enough, but these websites fool people into thinking that they give a damn about either. You say, in your Sakyong 12th Trungpa article, that it is Gesar and Ashoka. Ashoka just calls himself a Mukpo, thus the confusion, when he is really Ashoka Levy, offspring of Lady Diana's lover, and now husband, Mitchell Levy. CTR, as a Tibetan was very liberal-minded about giving Ashoka his name. Mukpo is a trademark now, that's all that's left. And Ashoka is just cashing in on the trademark value. It gives him a free pass to do what he wants. Anyway, thanks for flushing out the last bits of confusion and hypocrisy of this sham show of rebellion. I can at least return to the vast emptiness of the dharma. Now the journey becomes, "what is left" after the nonessential overlay is separated from the wheat. The dharma seems to be between Scylla and Charydis now, i.e. Tibetan, medieval, misogynistic, overlay, OR, potentially castrated by new age, psychobabbling, pop westernization. I don't know which is worse. P.S. don't you just love how clever the PR of monastic Tibetan buddhism is? Just when the whole barbaric treatment of women under Tibetan buddhism was about to be exposed, suddenly Tibetans jump on the bandwagon of feminism, and "Feminine Principal, and recognize Tsultrim Allione, and have Pema Chodron as the spokeswomen for Tibetan Buddhism. Like the Catholic Church, they know, if they lose rich western female benefactors, the show is over. So they keep them happy with the nun fundraising, and the "Feminine Principle" incorporated and exulted (seemingly) on websites/fundraisers, now. And know one notices. Amazing how we lose all critical thinking re: what's in front of our faces and transparent, and leave it outside the door with our shoes. I truly wish we could find an author, like in "Shoes Outside the Door" with no bias, to expose this monkey show. I guess it will just have to die a natural death of atrophy and idiocy. Any thanks again. Here's my favorite poem of CTR's Tara: "Looking into the world Do not trust. But be friendly, Date: Tue, 6 Oct 2009 01:30:27 -0700 Dear [Anonymous] Thank you for your email. I like that poem, too. It's very very hard to leave your dharma group, and it will take you years and years and years to learn to cope with it. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but out of your crying, your despair, your confusion, your torment, will come a new way of thinking that is more natural to you. I found a lot of inspiration in remembering who I was before I became a Buddhist, the person I was as a child. Going back to that person was like finding my true self. I wrote a lot. I got a tape recorder, and when I was in the bathroom, in my bed, sitting, and I had a thought, a veritable endless stream of thoughts, I recorded them. I got empty books, and wrote down my dreams and thoughts. I spent years doing this inbetween thrashing around in bed, screaming at the "protectors," researching various methods of poisoning myself, and being as miserable as a person could possibly be. Slowly I was able to articulate my doubts and disbeliefs. It has now been ten years, and I'm doing very well, thank you. When someone sends Charles or me an email saying how disillusioned they are with their dharma group, I always publish it anonymously. If I ask permission, they always say no. Out of respect for you, I republished your new email, even though it wasn't as honest and natural as the other one, qualities which I happen to value greatly. You added pieties and scoldings that weren't contained in the original, and for a while I contemplated NOT changing it out. I really don't care what you or anyone else feels when compared to the value your emails will give others who are trying to get out of Tibetan Buddhism. And you certainly don't know anything about me "throwing out the baby with the bathwater," so why do I want to publish those slanders? But I did anyway. Maybe I'll get some merit out of allowing you to slime me. Have you read "The Shadow of the Dalai Lama," by Victor and Victoria Trimondi? You can find it here: http://www.naderlibrary.com/shadow.dalai.htm . It really helped me put a lot of things into perspective. These people actually saved my life. Good luck to you. When you're ready to talk on a less reverent level, when things are really starting to fall apart, feel free to contact me. Until then, I can TOTALLY understand you wanting to hold on as tightly as you can to what you have left. Facing the true void of no belief is a real killer. Sincerely, Tara Carreon From: [Anonymous] Dear Tara: I too have been thrashing around , in the early morning, from the layer of hell-realm Tibetan imagery superimposed on my already heavy dose of early training in Catholic school. I feel like I have let go of a 500 lb weight of Tibetan Lamaism, but thoughts still arise, and letting them go soon enough, before they become the same, grooved story line, of how "bad I must be" to speak out, "I will be punished" for speaking out, etc. etc. This is because I was also the first girl excommunicated from my parochial school (all nuns then) for being outspoken in 7th grade. So it throws me back on a very very vulnerable time of my first encounters with hypocritical, abusive religious institutions. I have to deal with how much I am projecting, from the original rage? I don't know, and so I try to be as balanced as I can. First, let me say that unless we were talking face to face, and even then, miscommunications will arise, in emails. I am not slamming you. The baby with the bathwater was simply an indirect reference to Dzongsar R. remarks.Not saying that you have thrown out the baby with the bathwater , as I am not sure. I still am working with the question for myself, what is left? after you get rid of the cultural overlay. Tibetan Buddhism was just a vehicle for the dharma. I still believe, from my experience with Tibetan lamas, that some can still teach the essential dharma, despite the trappings they are carrying with them. They too , or at least some of them, are struggling with their Tibetan social selves, that they know and SAY have nothing to do with the dharma. One Dzogchen lama, at retreats I have been to, is very clear about Tibetan culture vs. the dharma, and even makes fun of much of Tibetan culture. But 100's of years of conditioning is very hard to throw off, as would be giving up the princely lifestyles. And "saving face" was their overriding social mantra, not "freedom of speech." I debated not having anything posted because I consider dealing IN ANY WAY with Shambhala Inc, after my experiences to be poison for me. I want to forget about it not keep reliveing it. So for me to let you publish anything, stirs up all my demons again. Even though it is anonymous, since the buddhist world, which we are surrounded by, are still sheep, ( many old CTR students are here where I live, and although they just walked away, they still can't bring themselves to call Osel a charlatan, even though they know it and say it privately. Just like the lamas say it privately. They have been around lamas too long and were given that Tibetan cultural transmission to never say what you mean directly, instead point to it, and talk all around it. You can see what I mean by even going briefly onto so-called Radio Free Shambhala. I too have been conditioned by this for years, even though it goes against my basic nature, to not speak out, since I was in 7th grade. I always expect to be greatly punished for it, not rewarded. But, like you, I wish I could save people from experiencing bullshit scenes , like Osel's KING/GOD trip with his family entourage of conduct disordered brats , and their parasitic fund-raising schemes to keep themselves primarily in luxury, after standing on the shoulders of CTR and his teachings, and taking over his mandala, while pretending they are caring and compassionate, when these are just more marketing schemes. I hate hypocrisy more than anything, so it is not so much that they are so creepy-slimy, but that they are pretending to others that they are models of compassion when they have not a clue what that means, i.e. to really care for others, they have a 3000 legion of domestic slaves to do that for them, i.e. do the caring and the work, and even the teachings and the writing for them. They are truely parasites preying on others, and that's what I hate so much. So you should know that despite knowing that I will wake up in the early mornings, thrashing around again, I am giving you permission to anonymously publish this, not knowing really whether it is right or wrong, and going ahead anyway. I believe that it is Osel and company, and those like him, using the dharma for material gain, that are the samaya breakers, but intellectually, even gut-level knowing that, doesn't protect me from the years of the code of silence I learned along with the dharma that still causes such ambivalence about simply speaking out when things are this fucked up. It has taken years and years to overcome this, and I am not through being ambivalent.
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