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by
Joel Kramer and Diana Alstad
Surrendering to a guru brings instant
intimacy with all who share the same values. In a world where traditional
values are crumbling, bringing brittle, hedonistic ways of relating, many
feel alone and disconnected. Acceptance by and identification with the
group induce a loosening of personal boundaries. This opening consequently
increases the emotional content of one's life, bringing purpose, meaning,
and hope. It is no wonder that those who join such groups rave about how
much better they feel than previously. But this quick, one-dimensional
bonding is based solely upon a shared ideology. No matter how intense and
secure it feels, should one leave the fold, it evaporates as quickly as it
formed.
Surrender is the glue that binds guru
and disciple. Being a disciple offers the closest approximation (outside
of mental institutions) to the special configuration of infancy. Surrender
is a route that enables disciples to experience again, at least partially,
the conflict-free innocence that is the source of their atavistic
longings. Among these, perhaps most important is the feeling of once again
being totally cared for. Surrendering to any authority brings this about
to some extent, but with a guru it reaches vast dimensions. The guru
reinforces this by letting it be known that all who follow him are and
will be especially protected. For the follower, this feels like being
protected by God.
This dependent state satisfies other
longings that stem from infancy. Once again, one experiences being at the
center of the universe--if not directly (the guru occupies that space), at
least closer to the center than one could have thought possible. The guru
also puts out the image of the totally accepting parent--the parent one
never had but always wanted. So disciples believe they are loved
unconditionally, even though this love is conditional on continued
surrender. Disciples in the throes of surrender feel that they have given
up their past, and do not, consciously at least, fear the future. In
addition, they feel more powerful through believing that the guru and the
group are destined to greatly influence the world. Feeling totally cared
for and accepted, at the universe's center, powerful, and seemingly
unafraid of the future are all achieved at the price of giving one's power
to another, thus remaining essentially a child.
Surrendering to an authority who
dictates what's right is a quick, mechanical route to feeling more
virtuous. It is a fast track for taking on a moral system and to some
extent following it. But more, that act of surrender itself can feel like
giving up or at least diminishing one's ego, which is presented as a sign
of spiritual progress. All renunciate moral systems have as prime virtues
selflessness and obedience to some higher authority. If confused or in
conflict, conforming to programming can make one feel immediately better.
Obedience itself can feel selfless. The conditioning here runs deep.
Children are praised for obedience, which fundamentally means doing what
the parent wants instead of what they want. When disobedient, a child is
often called selfish, which is never a compliment. Surrendering to an
authority and then being rewarded for it is part of being a child. It may
be true that there is no way out of this. Yet there is a world of
difference between parenting aimed at holding on to authority, and
parenting that leads children to self-trust. We are certain that children
raised to trust themselves would be far less susceptible to authoritarian
control. No matter how much better one initially feels, anything that
undermines self-trust in the long run is detrimental to becoming an adult.
Disciples usually become more attached
to the psychological state that surrender brings than to the guru, whom
they never really get to know as a person. Repudiation of the guru (or
even doubt and questioning) means a return to earlier conflict, confusion,
and meaninglessness. The deeper the surrender, and the more energy and
commitment they put into the guru, the greater their emotional investment
is. Disciples will thus put up with a great deal of contradictory and
aberrant behavior on the guru's part, for doubting him literally means
having their world fall apart.
This is why many who are involved in
authoritarian surrender adamantly deny they are. Those who see the
dissembling in other gurus or leaders can find countless ways to believe
that their guru is different. It is not at all unusual to be in an
authoritarian relationship and not know it. In fact, knowing it can
interfere with surrender. Any of the following are strong indications of
belonging to an authoritarian group:
1. No deviation from the party line is
allowed. Anyone who has thoughts or feelings contrary to the accepted
perspective is made to feel wrong or bad for having them.
2. Whatever the authority does is
regarded as perfect or right. Thus behaviors that would be questioned in
others are made to seem different and proper.
3. One trusts that the leader or
others in the group know what's best.
4. It is difficult to communicate with
anyone not in the group.
5. One finds oneself defending actions
of the leader (or other members) without having firsthand knowledge of
what occurred.
6. At times one is confused and
fearful without knowing why. This is a sign that doubts are being
repressed.
The age-old inquiry that asks "Who am
I?" looks inside for self-discovery. The process of digging deeper into
oneself reveals there are self-images constructed out of the past that are
part of one's identity. The true meaning of spiritual surrender involves
letting go of self-defining images that limit who one is and can be.
Within this inner inquiry one also comes to realize that one is part of a
larger context. Surrendering to those who present themselves as a better
or more real representative of that larger context perverts the true
beauty and meaning of surrender. On the contrary, surrendering to another
as the gateway to salvation keeps people dependent, childish, and living
second-handedly. Surrender as an adult encompasses realizing that all of
us are an interwoven part of a larger process that both creates and is
created by its components. This involves being able both to control life
and to surrender to what life offers. It does not involve giving up one's
power or identity.
The only way any living system works
well is to have information flowing freely between its parts and its
environment. This is particularly essential with human beings, in order to
counteract the inbuilt nature of subjectivity and the biasing filters of
self-interest. The guru/disciple relationship, which is inherently
authoritarian, cuts off the necessary flow of information for both,
creating a feedback-proof system. If any degree of objectivity can ever be
obtained, it is only through open minds that change with changing
information."
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