RANDY SOGYAL, BEST-SELLING LECHER -- THE WRITINGS OF THINKFORMYSELF |
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From: ThinkForMyself Hi Charles and Tara, I've always wanted to send an email to thank you both for the creative, literary masterpiece of a website that is American Buddha! I left my Buddhist group, Rigpa (Sogyal "Rinpoche's" group), about 3 years ago and the information on American Buddha was so important for deprogramming myself. It's really hard to find any critical information on the Tibetan Buddhist obsession in the West. I was heavily involved with Rigpa for about 4 years and the first alarm bell rang when I came across June Campbell's story. However if it wasn't for your website I think I would have just rationalised June's story and not found enough other information to wake myself up. I feel that I really owe you both a huge debt for the work you've done and I shudder to think how long I would have stayed cooped up, indoctrinated and trapped in the Rigpa group if I hadn't found all the information on American Buddha. It is scary how hard it is for dissenting voices to get any air-time and of course the publishing industry is only interested in making money out of the Buddhist craze. I've attached the letter (below) I sent to my "sangha" when I left. It's a bit embarrassing because I was hesitant about recommending your website but I wanted to avoid scaring off the conservative people in the group and hoped that they would visit the website. What surprised me was that the letter seemed to have almost no effect in terms of anyone else leaving the group. I didn't send it to the new "students" who were less than one year with Rigpa and studying the year-long Rigpa introduction course. I should have, perhaps some of them would have left because they weren't fully indoctrinated yet. Anyway the scary thing is, and the reason that I'm writing now is that I had a relapse of religious conditioning about three weeks ago and even thought that I'd re-join Rigpa and go back to my old teacher, Sogyal. I spent two weeks being convinced that I'd go back to Tibetan Buddhism. I read SOME of the material on American Buddha but it didn't sway me. Anyway I basically had to deprogram myself a second time and this was a really bizarre, scary, funny and interesting process all at the same time! I'd like to write about this because it's been a learning process for me. The relapse started when I was mulling over one of the main sources of my "faith" for becoming a Tibetan Buddhist in the first place - a "glimpse" of the "nature of the mind" that I had when I was reading Sogyal's book. It was quite an extraordinary spiritual experience and matched up closely with how it's described in the old Dzogchen texts. It happened one night when I was lying on my bed (not going to sleep). But that was just one meditation experience and as to what it means I don't know. I think there is some truth in those old texts but as to a path to "enlightenment", who knows, and why would I trust a "lineage" of philandering, sex-crazed, power-obsessed mother fuckers to lead me there? And that's being nice, books could be filled up with the bullshit those "teachers" get up to. What I found interesting was how, when I'd decided again that perhaps the whole Tibetan Buddhist story of reality was true, I really really wanted to believe that. And when I read something contrary I would have a huge vested interest in finding some way to dismiss or rationalise it, without really being open to an alternative view. There was also a fear of reading too much contrary information, because I'd already done so much "skilful" work in rationalising it. Did I have to read more? Wasn't it all just wrong? And the Tibetan Buddhist story must be right because it's internally consistent, well I would tell myself that. Anyway my relentlessly enquiring mind eventually got itself out of the trap and I read enough stuff on American Buddha to remind myself why I actually left in the first place! When I realised I'd been duped again I was almost more pissed off than when I first left Rigpa three years ago! I think what really helped was reading the personal accounts of Amlearning, Oscar and Pema Zangmo. Their accounts were just so genuine, so accurate and so shocking in terms of what Rigpa was really like, that it is hard not to believe them against a very big background of other abuses in Tibetan Buddhism. Also the way that the doctrine crumbles when subjected to an analysis of authoritarianism etc, and the ACTUAL history of how it worked in Tibet as a repressive feudal theocracy is also very powerful for waking oneself up. What really scares me about the Tibetan Buddhist doctrine is how skilful it is in getting the adherent to blame everything on themselves. You will blame your "ego" for everything that seems to be wrong with the doctrine and especially with the teachers. The "ego" is cleverly left as a broad term without classifying what exactly is wrong with your thinking processes. On a basic level you are being told that any of your thoughts that don't agree with the doctrine are bad and are your own ego at work. If you want to be fancier you can invoke a more adorned version of this simple method: the ego in vajrayana becomes "rudra activity", an equally unelaborated and bullshit conception. If the "ego" argument doesn't work you can always invoke "karma" to explain why things are not working or why you have "doubts" about the Buddhist path (the doctrine). This method of blaming yourself or your "ego" has many unbelievable depths. Gross sexual abuse and abuse of power by the lama can be explained as "enlightened activity" and "crazy wisdom". Any objections? It's your ego! What a fantastic doctrine for lamas obsessed by power, sex and money. I want a bit for myself actually, after spending four years of my life devoutly helping my "teacher" to get this. I liked his hot French Vietnamese lady. These methods skilfully make the adherents into pliable, passive people with low self-confidence, especially when around the lama. I can also give a little bit of an update on what was going on in the Rigpa group when I left three years ago. After leaving Rigpa I realised how any teaching by Sogyal, especially at his retreats, was a stage managed display of authoritarian power. He would make students wait for his teaching appearances, often delaying for hours (you pay about AU$100 per day at the Australian retreats, for a tent space, food and teachings). He would live off-site from the retreat, making personal access for the average student almost impossible. He would turn up for a teaching surrounded by his retinue of a few attractive woman and stern-faced, obedient men. He would sit up on his thrown while his retinue fussed around sorting things out. He would often bark commands at them and put them down in front of the crowd, this was a "teaching" for their "egos" of course. In the years before I left I noticed his "teaching" becoming more focussed on maintaining his authority in the group. Students were told that they could no longer visit other Tibetan lamas for teachings because it would confuse them. He would constantly talk about how the Rigpa group was so important for "transplanting" the doctrine in the West. And as Oscar said in his posts to American Buddha, I actually found him to be a very average teacher. He would rely more on his authority as a great "reincarnation" of the "lineage" rather than teaching ability. Once at an Australian retreat a Taiwanese woman, I think, had the amazing audacity (and let me tell you that in the authoritarian atmosphere of the shrine tent it was audacious) to ask a question about the doctrine. She asked about contradictions with other buddhist traditions/doctrines. Sogyal refused to engage in a debate at all and made fun out of her, was condescending towards her, and dodged any questions. He then made a joke out of stealing her book which she left up at his throne after the farce. I am sure all the older students were thinking "what a skilful display from the lama!". I later thought: "how pathetic, where is the confidence in his own teachings?" Thanks again for all the hard work you have put into the American Buddha website. It has given me so many laughs (and cries) over the last three years. [Signature] ********************************************************************* Email-letter that I sent to the Canberra Rigpa sangha when I left 3 years ago: Hello Everyone, Some people already know that I have decided to leave Rigpa after finding a great deal of information on sexual, physical and other abuse by high lamas in the Tibetan tradition, including Sogyal Rinpoche. I wanted to ring people and let them know personally, but I have found it very psychologically exhausting. So I have decided to send this email to most of the older Canberra Rigpa students. For a long time I was not convinced by the information I had found but then the sheer volume of similar stories of abuse, some coming from very credible sources, just could not be swept under the carpet or skilfully rationalised any longer (for me personally). I will share some of the information I have found so that people may know why I have left and may also investigate for themselves and make their own decisions. Of course the biggest problem with this sort of information is determining its credibility. So I will start by listing some of the more credible sources. The story of Jetsunma Ahkon Lhamo has to be one of the most disturbing and reasonably credible cases I came across. Jetsunma was born in New York City and was recognised by Penor Rinpoche (the supreme head of the Nyingma school) as the reincarnation of the founder of his entire Palyul lineage. She is a very high lama and was given the highest title for a female in Tibetan Buddhism, "Jetsunma" (Milarepa is sometimes called "Jetsun" Milarepa). The story of Jetsunma's sangha was published in 2001 in a book called 'The Buddha from Brooklyn' by a Washington Post reporter who had, with Jetsunma's permission, conducted first-hand interviews with Sangha members. The author herself was interested in Tibetan Buddhism as a spiritual path. Also, critical reviews of the book observe that the author does not draw moral conclusions for the reader or make judgements. Together with the fact that the author would loose her career in journalism if she was found to be lying, I think this makes the book quite a credible source. One chapter in the book, called "The Great Blessing", details the chilling beating and ensuing psychologically damaging group-humiliation of a nun by Jetsunma. This was a result of the nun having had an affair with a visiting monk. The nun had also just been prematurely released form hospital with stitches on her face (after a car accident) and rushed to the shrine room to meet Jetsunma. Before Jetsunma entered the shrine room for the beating (wearing black leather), the head nun stood at the front of the shrine room and told all the assembled monks and nuns that "what ever happens is enlightened activity". Jetsunma also practised a vast amount of sexual antics which may or may not have been abusive. This book can be bought from Amazon.com or viewed at the online-library called American Buddha ( http://www.american-buddha.com/buddha.brook.htm ). This website is at first-sight a little distasteful, but there is a lot of information that can be found there; some of it less credible than others. To enter the website you will have to enter an email address and password, due to the fact that it is technically/legally an "online-library" and displays copyrighted material (e.g. published books). I haven't received any spam email from them. It is a homemade website by a couple who left their Sangha in America about five years ago after 22 years as Tibetan Buddhists. I think they have gone too far and thrown out the teachings with the abusive teachers. But that is their decision and probably quite understandable after what they've seen and been through. Another quite credible story is that of June Campbell, one of Kalu Rinpoche's most senior students. Kalu Rinpoche was I think the lama who first told Sogyal Rinpoche the Dzogchen phrase "chu ma nyuk na dang, sem ma cho na de". June Campbell was a nun with Kalu Rinpoche for at least 10 years I think and he eventually (and secretly) requested her to be his consort for tantric sexual practices. Some of the old students deny to this day that she ever was a consort, but she certainly was one of his closest and long time students. She wrote a book about her experiences called "Traveller in Space". Campbell said she received thinly veiled death threats if she ever disclosed the affair or left. She gave an interview to Tricycle (a Buddhist magazine) about her experiences, read it online at: http://www.anandainfo.com/tantric_robes.html Then there are the stories about Sogyal Rinpoche. These are harder to verify, but for me in the light of abuse by other lamas in Tibetan Buddhism, the number of accounts was starting to add up a little too much and some of the accounts sounded so reasonable and genuine, i.e. not psychologically troubled people trying to discredit a famous person. Of course the biggest event was the court case in 1994 in America. The $10 million law case accused Sogyal Rinpoche of "physical, mental and sexual abuse" of a woman at American retreats. Other women made similar claims about Rinpoche and jointly wrote a letter to the Dalai Lama concerning this abuse. The court case was settled out of court. The American Buddha website has collected together posts made to newsgroups about sexual abuse experienced by Sogyal Rinpoche's women students ( http://www.american-buddha.com/randy.sogyal.htm ). I know that posts to newsgroups are not the most reliable source of information, but if the abuse did happen how else will we find out about it? Most people, I think, just want to leave and put the whole thing behind them. I recommend reading the writings of Oscar and Pema Zangmo first, their accounts sound so genuine and very reasonable. The other accounts contain more anger, but they are also from the people who claim to have been directly abused by Rinpoche and abuse does produce anger, understandably. Also an essay "The Thorn in the Lotus" written by Pema Zangmo, who says she is a former consort of Rinpoche's is very insightful, wise and honest ( http://www.american-buddha.com/thorn.lotus.htm ). I think she sums up my own conclusions on what is happening with Tibetan Buddhist lamas in the West and how to make sense of great teachings but not so great teachers. There is also some shocking information about Tibetan politics and history. At http://www.stephenbatchelor.org/daylight.html you can read an article about a long standing feud between the Geluk School (The Dalai Lama's school) of Tibetan Buddhism and the Kagyu School (the Karmapa's school) for the political control of Tibet. The author Stephen Batchelor is a scholar of Buddhism and has been a Tibetan Buddhist monk and a Zen monk for many years. This article, among other things, describes the use of Mongol warlords by the Fifth Dalai Lama as mercenaries to overthrow the Karmapa and the Kagyu school's control of Tibet at the time. I am sure this would have involved a lot of killing; does this sound very Buddhist to you? This long standing feud between the two schools forms some of the background to the current controversy over the two competing reincarnated tulkus for the Karmapa's seat as head of the Kagyu School and the Dalai Lama's partisan interference in the affair. The Karmapa controversy can be read about in an Asia Week article: http://www.american-buddha.com/struggle.tib.htm (as well as many other sources). So this is some of the information that is out there if you start investigating. There are also many other disturbing stories about other sanghas and other lamas often involving sexual abuse/manipulation, but I don't want the email to get too long. I know some people will try to use the "crazy wisdom" argument to explain the controversial behaviour of some of the lamas in the West. For example it is well known that Tilopa (the founder of the Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism) made Naropa do all kinds of crazy things, including forcing heated wooden splinters under finger nails, in order to crush his ego so that he could realise enlightenment. But one of the things that is supposed to happen with "crazy wisdom" is that it is only given to students who are very advanced in their practice and ready and willing (i.e. they have given their teacher permission to crush their ego). Because of the increased risk, there has to be increased discernment and skill from the guru. In the case of Jetsunma's nun, she was acknowledged by many in the sangha to already be suffering from low self-esteem and not an entirely solid or advanced practitioner. Incidentally, she has left the Dharma and Jetsunma's Sangha and now lives on the West Coast of America working as a secretary. So if that is Jetsunma's "enlightened activity", it is starting to look like 'crazy crazy', not 'crazy wisdom'. Also a lot of the sexual abuse by lamas looks much more like sexual desire (a normal human quality) rather than crazy wisdom. Why does crazy wisdom always have to involve sex, for the lama to enjoy too, not others! So obviously my view of Tibetan Buddhism and particularly many of the teachers has changed. I encourage you to have the courage to investigate for yourself and read the articles I have listed in this email. Otherwise it will be very hard for you to appreciate fully where I am coming from, in terms of my decision to leave Rigpa. Yours Sincerely, ThinkForMyself ********************************************************************** Bonus nasty, patronising reply received from doctrinal adherent (sangha member): Dear ThinkForMyself, You know enough about karma to realize that you need to be responsible and need to take care. Creating and spreading doubt in other sangha members minds is very irresponsible not only for others but for your life. You need to challenge Sogyal Rinpoche directly, not undermine him and the sangha. That is the honest and straight path! If you are interested in what is happening astrologically for you I can recommend Mrs Tsering Choezom highly. I am taking the bookings for her this week in Canberra. ****************************************************************** Second bonus reply from doctrinal adherent: uses a rambling version of the blame-other-people's-actions-on-yourself argument: ThinkForMyself, I very much appreciate your distress. I must guess that for you the situation must be getting worse, your letter seems to indicate as much. I wish I knew what to do to be of help to you. The only thing I can think of is to ask you what you want? What is your motivation for broadcasting? Speaking individually with people is painful, but it is painful for a reason. It is interacting, real-time with people. Thus you have to confront your own feelings, you have to think about what it is you need, what you want, and also to face others reactions - which can also be a great confronter of our own motivation, if they don't respond the way we want them to, then we have to think about what it is we wanted from them. That simply brings me back to asking you - what do you want to from this situation? What are you looking for? Do you know? Do you want help for yourself? Do you want others to feel the same pain and suffering that you are going through? Would it help if all the people you emailed wrote you back and said they were also leaving Rigpa because of your email? Would it help if Rigpa were to collapse and everyone who currently follows Sogyal Rinpoche to leave him? Would it resolve the pain you are feeling for this to happen? Are you angry that some people don't care what Rinpoche may or may not have done? I'm not trying to justify or cover-up nor am I even concerned about others. It is you that I am interested in. Regardless of what Sogyal Rinpoche or other high lamas (and others) have or have not done, the only real truth that matters is the truth deep within you. The truth in Buddhism is that our pain and suffering comes from within - we create our pain and our suffering. The truth of Buddhism is that there is no good, no bad, no right, no wrong, no samsara, no nirvana. It is us who define these things - we define them in terms of what we want, and it is in this grasping of what we want that spawns our pain. So, again, I ask you - what do you want? What do you want? What ever it is, it is something that no one can give you, not even yourself. The only solution is for you to examine the source of pain within yourself, understand how that came to be a source of pain for you and why you need to hold on to it. The only relief for this pain is to face it, understand it and then let it go. This situation with Rinpoche is only a symptom of your deeper need, not the cause. Rinpoche is not important here, you are. I hold you in my thoughts, I pray for realization for you. I am here and willing to talk anytime. |