James Stewart
Jean Arthur
Claude Rains
Edward Arnold
Thomas Mitchell

MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON

1936, Columbia Pictures, Directed by Frank Capra, Screenplay by Sidney Buchman

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(00:00:55)
NOSEY : (into phone)...Senator Samuel Foley, dead. Yeah, yeah...died a minute ago, here at St. Vincent's. At the bedside was state political side-kick, Senator Joseph Paine. Yeah.
PAINE : (into phone) Hello, long distance? This is Senator Joseph Paine speaking, I want the Governor's residence at Jackson City.
HUBERT : Hello. Oh Joe. Oh, no!
PAINE : It couldn't have happened at a worst time. Call Jim Taylor, tell him I'm getting on a plane tonight for home.
PAINE : Yes, Joe. Yes. Yes, right away.
EMMA : What is it?
HUBERT : Sam Foley's dead.
EMMA : Great saints!
HUBERT : Of all times, of all times. Foley had to go and die on us.
EMMA : Whom are you calling, in the dead of night?
HUBERT : Taylor, my dear.
TAYLOR : What's up, Happy?
HUBERT : Sam Foley died tonight in Washington.
TAYLOR : Oh. That's too bad. Well don't get excited Happy. Is Paine coming?
HUBERT : Yes Jim. Yes Jim. Yes Jim!
EMMA : I'd suppose you'd drop dead if you'd ever said no to him.
HUBERT : Oh, now my dear. This is no time for jokes. I've got to appoint a new senator.
SECRETARY : The Governor will see all committees immediately.
EDWARDS : You tell the Governor for me that I won't wait here any longer.
SECRETARY : Yes, Mr. Edwards
EDWARDS : Probably got that guy, Taylor in there telling him what to do.
HUBERT : Oh, yes. Tell them to wait, I'll see them immediately, immediately! (to McGann) I've got to see those howling citizens. I can't put them off any longer. They all want something to say about who goes to the senate in Sam Foley's place. And Ten to one they've got a man.
MCGANN : Relax, Happy. Stop havin' kittens.
HUBERT : Now, you go in that room and tell Jim Taylor and Joe Paine that I'll give them just one more minute to make up their minds.
MCGANN : You go tell Jim Taylor.
HUBERT : I will tell him. It's high time I told Jim Taylor a thing or two. (to Jim) Now look here Jim...if you and Joe are gonna gab any longer about this appointment, I'm going ahead and see those committees.
TAYLOR : You'll see those committees when we're finished.
HUBERT : Yes, Jim. But hurry, will you.
TAYLOR : Yes. We'll hurry. We'll hurry.
MCGANN : That's tellin' him Happy, old boy.
PAINE : Jim, in other words, with this Willet Creek Dam comin' up, the man who goes to the Senate and takes Sam Foley's place can't ask any questions or talk out of turn. We gotta be absolutely sure of him.
TAYLOR : That's why I say Horace Miller. He'll take orders all right.
PAINE : Jim, suppose we don't try to go through with this dam. Suppose we postpone it until next session of Congress...or drop it altogether.
TAYLOR : Oh. That'd be a crime, Joe. After all the work we'd put in on it...getting it buried in this Deficiency Bill as nicely as you please. Having it approved, it's rolling along. It's like taking candy from a baby.
PAINE : Is it worth the risk of a scandal now that a new man is going to the Senate?
TAYLOR : Worth the risk? Say, what's the matter with you Joe? Where you're concerned, I wouldn't take the slightest risk, especially now that you've made such a great reputation for yourself and the Senate. And look, look at the campaign I've started for you in all of my papers.
PAINE : It's a little obscure, isn't it Jim?
TAYLOR : Well, I don't know, maybe. But after all, you're the logical man from the West with a, national picket. At the convention, anything can happen.
PAINE : Jim, if what you say about the future is at all possible, why not do as I say and drop things like this dam?
TAYLOR : We can't do it Joe. We've been quietly buying up all the land around that dam and holding it in dummy names. If we drop it now or even delay it, we bring about an investigation. The investigation will show that we're going to sell it to the State...under phony names. Now, it's my judgement, the smartest thing for us to do is to push this dam through just the way it's going and get it over with.
PAINE : All right then Jim, appoint Miller. If you're sure he'll take orders.
TAYLOR : Don't worry about Miller, he'll take orders. Come on.
HUBERT : Just a minute. Just one more minute.
TAYLOR : Happy, we've got your man. Horace Miller!
HUBERT : Horace Miller!
TAYLOR : Yeah.
McGANN : A born stooge! Why, ole' Horace'll perform like a trained seal.
TAYLOR : What'd I tell you Joe?
HUBERT : But Jim, if I throw a party man like Horace Miller in the face of those angry people...
TAYLOR : Happy, for reason I can't go into now, it's got to be Horace Miller! Do you understand? I've given you the man. Now make out your ticket. Come on, Chick. Come on, Joe.
HUBERT : But Jim, I've got to see those angry committees first, feel them out a little, work for harmony Jim. Harmony. (to committee) In considering the candidates who might answer to the high qualifications of United States Senator, there was one name that shone out like a beacon, the Honorable Horace Miller.
COMMITTEE : No!
FEMALE MEMBER : A Taylor man!
MALE MEMBER 1 : A party man! He's Taylor's stooge!
MALE MEMBER 2 : The Veterans will have no part of him!
HUBERT : Please.
MALE MEMBER 3 : The New Citizens Committee won't stand for Miller!
HUBERT : Please.
(00:05:07)
TAYLOR : So, they named their own candidate, eh? Who?
HUBERT : You won't like him Jim.
TAYLOR : Come on, who?
HUBERT : Henry Hill.
TAYLOR : Henry Hill! That crackpot? That long-haired...! Why, you should have killed that so fast!
HUBERT : I couldn't, Jim. I couldn't. Those men were...
TAYLOR : Never mind what they want. You forget about 'em, see.
HUBERT : Jim, that bunch is out for blood. If I throw Horace in their teeth now...
TAYLOR : I said forget 'em! Horace Miller goes to the Senate and that settles it!
HUBERT : I won't send Horace Miller!
TAYLOR : Oh, you won't?
HUBERT : No, I won't. I won't let you stand there callously and perhaps wreck my whole political future!
TAYLOR : Your political future! Why, I bought it for you. I gave it to you as a present and I can grab it back so fast it'll make your head swim. You got a nerve to sit there and worry about your political future when we're in a spot like this! The man is Miller.
PETER : Hello, Dad.
KIDS : Hello, Dad.
PETER : What's the matter Dad? Is it getting you down?
HUBERT : Is what getting me down?
JIMMIE : You're in a deuce of a pickle, aren't you, Pop?
OTIS : Looks like Henry Hill or else, huh, Pop?
PETER : No, it's Horace Miller, or else!
HUBERT : Peter!
JIMMIE : Gee, Dad. I wouldn't appoint an old twerp like Horace Miller. Taylor or no Taylor!
HUBERT : Taylor! May I ask what Taylor has to do with this?
JIMMIE : Well, he's still running the show, ain't he Pop?
HUBERT : Emma! I will not have conversation of this sort carried on by the children at dinner!
EMMA : Why don't you listen to your children for a change?
HUBERT : No doubt my children could make this appointment for me, with the greatest ease!
JIMMIE : That's easy, dad. Jefferson Smith.
HUBERT : I beg your pardon?
PETER : Jefferson Smith. He's the only Senator to have.
OTIS : Sure. He ought to be President.
JACKIE : I like Jeff Smith.
JANE : Me, too.
HUBERT : Oh, you too! Now everybody's been heard from. Well, forgive my abysmal ignorance but, I don't know Jefferson Smith from a hole in the ground.
PETER : Gosh Dad, head of the Boy Rangers!
HUBERT : Oh, a boy!
JIMMIE : No, no, dad, Jeff's a man! Jeff Smith! Biggest expert we got on wild game and animals and rocks.
PETER : Yeah, and right now he's the greatest hero we ever had. It's all over the headlines.
JIMMIE : Sure. Didn't you see about the terrific forest fire all around Sweetwater?
HUBERT : I did. What about it?
PETER : Well, Jeff put that out himself.
HUBERT : Himself!
JIMMIE : Now, if you really want a Senator...
HUBERT : I do not want a Senator. And I do not want any more of this nonsense!
OTIS : He's the greatest American we got too, Dad. He can tell you what George Washington said, by heart. An' Boy's Stuff's' got the swellest stuff in it.
HUBERT : What stuff?
PETER : 'Boy Stuff'. That's the name of Jeff's paper. He prints it. Look, here's one. Oh, it's great, everybody reads it. All the kids in the State, a million of 'em. Look, Pop, let me read one of these...
HUBERT : Peter, I'm in no mood to listen to childish prattle!
EVERYONE : Prattle!
PETER : You're all wet, Pop!
OTIS : No, sir! You couldn't do better, Dad.
HUBERT : Do better than what?
OTIS : Jeff for Senator.
HUBERT : Emma! If you please?
PETER : Want to get out of a pickle, don't you?
OTIS : Always looking out for votes, aren't you?
PETER : Yeah. An' here's fifty thousand kids with two folks apiece...and they vote!
JIMMIE : If you want to do yourself some good in this State, Dad...
OTIS : If you're ever going to stand up like a man some day and tell Taylor to go to...
EMMA : Otis!
HUBERT : That settles it! I will not be attacked and belittled by my own children in my own home! All my nerves are strained to the breaking point!
EMMA : Oh, Hubert!
HUBERT : Henry Hill - Horace Miller - Miller - Hill - Hill - Miller...Heads, Hill. Tails, Miller.
HEADLINE READS : Grateful Citizens Pour Gratitude on Hero Jeff Smith.
HUBERT : That's good enough for me.
MA : Yes? Good evening.
HUBERT : Oh, is Jefferson Smith at home?
MA : Yes, won't you step in.
HEADLINE READS : Governor Names Youth Leader to U.S. Senate. Mitch Appointment Political Surprise.
TAYLOR : A boy ranger...a squirrel chaser to the United States Senate!
HUBERT : Listen Jim, the simpleton of all times, a big-eyed patriot. Knows Lincoln and Washington by heart. Stands at attention in the Governor's presence. Even collects stray boys and cats.
TAYLOR : He does what?
HUBERT : Joe, you know what I'm talking about. A perfect man. Never in politics in his life. Wouldn't know what it was all about in two years, let alone two months. And the important thing...and this was the genius of the stroke...
McGANN : Uh-oh.
HUBERT : It means votes! The hero of fifty thousand boys and hundred thousand parents. Just look at all those congratulations that have been pouring in! I tell you, gentlemen, with this one statesman-like...
TAYLOR : But you made this appointment without asking me...
HUBERT : But Jim, when the lightning strike...
TAYLOR : You didn't ask me!
HUBERT : Oh, Jim!
PAINE : Now, wait a minute Jim. Happy may have hit on something tremendous here.
HUBERT : There, you see.
(00:10:00)
TAYLOR : Do you really think you can actually handle this, this whachama-call-him in Washington? Do you think it's all right?
PAINE : I think it's all right. A young patriot? Recites Lincoln and Jefferson. Turned loose in our nation's capital? Yeah. I think it's all right.
TAYLOR : Chick. Turn the ballyhoo boys loose. It's the greatest appointment ever made. Give a banquet and declare a holiday.
HUBERT : A star-spangled banquet.
McGANN : Wow!
HUBERT : And how did your Governor confer that honor? Did he give it so some wealthy influential citizen merely to curry favor?
CROWD : No!
HUBERT : No! Did he give it to some unworthy political hireling?
CROWD : No!
HUBERT : No! What did he do? He went down among the people and there he found, a nugget! And it is in that spirit that we are gathered here tonight to acclaim and wish God speed to, Senator Jefferson Smith.
JEFFERSON : Well, thank you. I, I...I, I, I, can't help feeling that there's been a big mistake somehow. Of cou...of course, I never could, uh, I never could see why we needed two senators from this state when we have a man like Joseph Harrison Paine representing us already. He probably doesn't remember me, he knew my father very well, Clayton Smith. They went to school together and very, very good friends and uh, so it's, it uh...to just to uh, sit here with him, is a very great honor for me b-because I, uh...remember Dad used to tell me that...Joe Paine was the finest man he ever knew.
TAYLOR : Come on Joe, get up. Take a bow.
JEFFERSON : I, I uh, don't think I'm gonna be much help to ya down there in Washington, Senator. I'll do my best. With all, with all my might. I can promise you one thing, I'll do nothing to disgrace the office of the United States Senate.
JACKIE : Senator Jefferson Smith. The Boy Rangers are very proud to take this opportunit...
PETER : Occasion!
JACKIE : Uh, we are happy to take this opportunity, uh, uh...
PETER : To present!
JACKIE : ...to present this uh,
PETER : Small token.
JACKIE : ...small token of our affection and esteem. Uh, to the best...
PETER : Friend. Friend!
JACKIE : Ah, heck...it's a briefcase Jeff.
MALE CHILD : All the kids pitched in, Jeff.
JIMMIE : Yeah. It's for to carry your laws when you get to Washington.
JEFFERSON : Thanks boys!
JEFFERSON : Well, it isn't much but if you insist, there's this weeks.
PAINE : Boys stuff. Why printers ink runs in your brains Jeff. Jeff, you're just like your father.
JEFFERSON : Thank you, sir.
PAINE : Even with the hat. Same old dreamer, too. You know, one look at you and I can see him. Back in his own rolltop desk, hat and all, getting out his paper. Always kept his hat on his head, so if he's ready to do battle. Clayton Smith; Editor and publisher and champion of lost causes.
JEFFERSON : Well, Dad always used to say that the only causes worth fighting for were the lost causes.
PAINE : You don't have to tell me Jeff. Now, we were a team. The two of us. Struggling editor and a struggling lawyer. "The twin champions of lost causes", they used to call us.
JEFFERSON : Ma's told me about it a thousand times.
(00:15:00)
PAINE : Well, his last fight was the best, Jeff. He and his little four page paper. Against that mining syndicate. And all to defend the right of one small minor who stuck to his claim...and yet they tried everything. Bribery, intimidation and then...
JEFFERSON : Yes, Ma found him slumped over his desk that morning.
PAINE : Shot in the back. How is that! I can see him at that old, rolltop desk...still with his hat on. Still with his hat on.
JEFFERSON : I know. I suppose Mr. Paine, when a fellow bucks up against a big organization like that...one man by himself can't get very far, can he?
PAINE : No.
JEFFERSON : Washington, huh?
McGANN : Yes, Senator. For the fifth time, Washington.
JEFFERSON : Aw, my pigeons, I'd better see about my pigeons.
McGANN : The porter has 'em, they're comin' along.
JEFFERSON : Oh, just a second, I'd better make sure.
McGANN : Joe, my head's like a balloon. Two whole days, I never knew there was so much American history!
JEFFERSON : I-I got them. They're all right!
McGANN : That's fine. That ends that crisis. Come along now, Senator.
SUSAN : Hello father!
LADY 1 : I saw him first
LADY 2 : He's mine.
SUSAN : Oh, let me get to him, let me get to him.
PAINE : Susan, this is Jeffers...
SUSAN : Oh. D-dad, I don't care to meet anybody til' I get my money. Now, come on.
LADY 3 : Come on.
LADY 4 : Pay up.
SUSAN : One dollar each please, for the milk fund.
JEFFERSON : That's five dollars.
LADIES : Yes!
SUSAN : You've got five dollars, haven't you?
JEFFERSON : Can't seem to find anything except keys.
PAINE : Uh, Jeff. This is my daughter, Susan and her friends.
SUSAN : Not the new senator.
LADY 2 : Oh. He's marvelous.
LADY 3 : He's wonderful.
SUSAN : What have you got there, Senator?
JEFFERSON : Oh, they're pigeons.
McGANN : Yeah. Pigeons to carry messages back to Ma.
JEFFERSON : It's all just for fun. You see, the one that makes it back home in the best time, I'm gonna enter in the nationals.
COOK : Joe.
GRIFFITH : Hello, Chick!
McGANN : Hi Mac.
GRIFFITH : Hello, Joe. How are you.
PAINE : Hi! Glad to see you Bill. Here Jeff. Jeff, come here. Meet Mr. Cook and Mr. Griffith. Members of our state headquarters here.
COOK : Great pleasure, Senator! Yes, sir. You'll do the old State proud.
GRIFFITH : Welcome, Senator! The wild life around here is a little different from what you're used to. They wear high heels!
SUSAN : We must see a lot of you, Senator. And your, little feathered friends.
JEFFERSON : Thank you very much.
SUSAN : Come on, father.
PAINE : Huh? Oh, yeah, uh, uh...Chick.
McGANN : I've got him Joe. He'll be along.
LADY 2 : Bye.
LADY 3 : Good luck, Senator.
LADY 4 : Good-bye.
JEFFERSON : Things sure happen fast around here, don't they.
McGANN : Yeah. You'll have to get yourself out of low gear, Senator. Well, let's get these bags and livestock together.
GRIFFITH : Okay, Chick.
JEFFERSON : Look! Look! There it is.
McGANN : Who? What?
JEFFERSON : The capital dome!
GRIFFITH : Yes sir, big as life. Been there a long time now.
McGANN : Yes, sir. This way, Senator.
GRIFFITH : Say, we thought maybe we ought to meet him in short pants, or know...with hatchets.
McGANN : Taxi!
COOK : What's he bringing pigeons for?
McGANN : What for? Suppose there's a storm. All the lines are down, how you gonna get messages back to Ma? This way, Senator. Well, where is he? Hey, Senator! Why, I told that cookie to...come on. Let's find him. Hey, Senator? Senator Smith?
COOK : Positively not in the station. Gone!
GRIFFITH : What happened to him?
McGANN : Did you look in the...
GRIFFITH : Yeah. I looked in the...
McGANN : I'll brain that guy. Call Paine. Call Saunders. Call the Marines, call somebody.
McGANN : Miss Saunders? McGann. Has Smith shown up at his office there, yet? What do you mean 'the slip'? What's so funny?
SAUNDERS : Nothing. Why don't you try a butterfly net?
McGANN : If he does show up there, Paine's waiting at the hotel with newspapermen. Let him know right away, you understand?
SAUNDERS : Sure, sure. I'll hang a light in the bellfree. One if by land and two if by sea.
SAUNDERS : Diz?
DIZ : Yeah?
SAUNDERS : What do you think? Daniel Boone's lost.
DIZ : No!
SAUNDERS : Lost in the wilds of Washington.
DIZ : Well, if your boyfriends gonna blaze trials, I'm going over to the press club.
SAUNDERS : Ah, stick around he might want to style to put on short pants and go out hiking. You wouldn't want to miss the exercise.
DIZ : Everytime I think of exercise, I have to lie right down til' the feeling leaves me. Say, wouldn't it be funny if he was lost.
SAUNDERS : The boy ranger?
DIZ : Yeah.
SAUNDERS : Oh, he'll show up. He must have a compass with him.
McGANN : Oh, where would I go to if I was a boy ranger?
COOK : Boy, am I tired. I'm all in.
McGANN : Bill, call all the hospitals. Hurry up!
COOK : All right.
McGANN : And get me a bed while your at it.
BAG CARRIER : Boss, will you hold this for a minute for me, please. Thank you, sir.
(00:19:55)
McGANN : Here, come back here. Why...
BOY : "...and from these honored dead we have taken increased devotion with that cause for which they gave the last quote measure of devotion that we here highly...
GRANDPA : Resolved.
BOY : ...resolved that these dead shall not have died in vain. That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of...
GRANDPA : Freedom.
BOY : ...freedom. And that Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
SAUNDERS : Why don't they try the police, call out some bloodhounds or Indian guides?
PAINE : One place he knows in this city is the Senate office and you stay there and wait. It isn't that late.
SAUNDERS : All right, Senator. Another half hour. Just one half hour. Goodbye.
SAUNDERS : Oh, why don't I quit?
DIZ : Eight to five, little boy blue's plastered.
SAUNDERS : When Foley died, why didn't I clear out? How many times have you heard me say I was fed up with politics and...? Now I let 'em talk me into staying. Secretary to a leader of little squirts. Why? Because I need the job and a new suit of clothes.
DIZ : Would you settle for a husband?
SAUNDERS : Oh, I sure would. Huh?
DIZ : You know my old standing offer, Diz Moore, poet of Washington Correspondents.
SAUNDERS : Oh, that again. Yeah.
DIZ : I'd cherish you and I'd stay sober.
SAUNDERS : Oh, Diz. You're a wonderful egg. I don't know. Maybe if I saw you once with your hair combed or something I...No, I don't think even that would do it.
DIZ : No point in combing my hair for nothing.
SAUNDERS : Honorary appointment! You scratch this thing and you'll find they need a dope here for a couple of months.
SAUNDERS : Yes! Yes! What do you want?
JEFFERSON : Office of Jefferson Smith?
SAUNDERS : No!
JEFFERSON : The man downstairs...
SAUNDERS : No!
SAUNDERS : Yeah, they sure must have picked the prize dummy for...Say, wait a minute! That wouldn't be Daniel Boone!
SAUNDERS : Say Mister. What's your name?
JEFFERSON : Jefferson Smith.
SAUNDERS : Oh-oh! Yes, please. Come right in Mr. Smith. Right this way. Now, hold it, everything. Stay right there. Now, don't move.
(00:25:00)
SAUNDERS : Helen, Helen, get me the Madison Senator Paine will you?
JEFFERSON : Is anything the matter?
SAUNDERS : Oh, no, no! My dear Senator. It may be customary out on the prairie to take French leave of people and not show up for five hours...
JEFFERSON : Oh, well. I'm sorry about that, Miss Sau...Miss, you are Miss Saunders, aren't you?
SAUNDERS : Yes, I'm Saunders and this is Mr. Moore, member of the press. Mr. Moore meet the Senator.
JEFFERSON : I'm very happy to know you, sir.
DIZ : Well, I see you've cut your way through that forest.
JEFFERSON : Yeah.
SAUNDERS : (into phone) Senator Paine. Yes, we've got him. He's right here. Came in under his own power and he's sober. That's the very next thing on the schedule...Now, I'll have him right over.
JEFFERSON : Well, I'm awfully sorry. You see, It wasn't until I was fairly well along in the bus that I realized...
SAUNDERS : Did you say bus?
JEFFERSON : It was one of those sightseers and you know...Gosh, I've never been called absent-minded but, but there it was all of a sudden, staring right at me through one of the station doors.
SAUNDERS : There what was?
JEFFERSON : The dome, the Capitol Dome. Big as life, sparkling away there under the sun out there. And I, I started to go toward it and there was a bus outside and I, I just naturally got aboard.
SAUNDERS : Most natural thing in the world!
JEFFERSON : Yeah. I, I don't think I've ever been so thrilled in my whole life, and, and that Lincoln Memorial! Gee wiz! That Mr. Lincoln, there he is. He's just lookin' right straight at you as you come up those steps...just, just sitting there like he was waiting there for someone to come along.
SAUNDERS : Yeah. Well he's got nothing on me.
JEFFERSON : Oh, I'm sorry.
SAUNDERS : Now, if you're ready Senator, we'll go off to the hotel. Senator Paine's waiting for you.
JEFFERSON : Uh-huh. (to Diz) This my office?
DIZ : Uh, uh, no! You, you have a private office, in there.
JEFFERSON : Private office, huh?
DIZ : Uh-huh.
JEFFERSON : In there? Right in this door?
SAUNDERS : All right now, Senator. Well, where is he? Has he gone out again?
DIZ : Uh, no, no. He's in there. I'll see you later Saunders. I gotta go out and drink this over.
JEFFERSON : Whose statue is that?
SAUNDERS : I wouldn't know in the day time.
JEFFERSON : Oh, look, look! The Capitol Dome! It's lighted up. Look at it.
SAUNDERS : Um, you a, you better relax, Senator. You'll get yourself plumb wore out.
JEFFERSON : Gee wiz! So many things happen all at once, I...Uh, Miss Saunders, what time does the Senate, uh-uh...
SAUNDERS : Convene?
JEFFERSON : Convene, convene, yeah...what time?
SAUNDERS : Twelve, noon.
JEFFERSON : Twelve, noon. Boy, oh-boy. That'll be something. You know what I better do in the morning?
SAUNDERS : Uh, no, Mr. Smith. What had you better?
JEFFERSON : Oh, I think I should go out to Mount Vernon. It'd be sort of a fine thing to do. Visit Washington's home before walking into the Senate for the first time, don't you think that'd be a good idea?
SAUNDERS : Oh, wonderful. Wonderful. Put you right in the mood.
JEFFERSON : Uh-huh. What's that, what's tha...oh. Movie house.
DIZ : Hello, Saunders.
SAUNDERS : I'm still asking myself, what is he? Animal, vegetable, or mineral.
DIZ : Maybe he's an oyster.
SAUNDERS : When I think of myself sitting around, playing straight for all that phony, patriotic chatter...me, carrying bibs for an infant with little flags in his fists. I, I can't take it, Diz. I, I quit, I'm through!
DIZ : Oh, now, now. Take it easy. Simmer down, simmer down. Here, take this.
SAUNDERS : You know what he's going to do tomorrow before taking that Senate seat? He's going up to Mount Vernon to get in the mood, a warm up!
NOSEY : Who? Who? Your boss! A nut? A nut? I knew there was a story in that guy. I smelled it.
SAUNDERS : Oh. Go away Nosey.
DIZ : Go chase an ambulance.
NOSEY : Oh, look Saunders, it's meat and drink...lemme at 'im! Five minutes. I'll make it right with you.
SAUNDERS : What do you mean right?
NOSEY : What do I mean? I'll tell you what I'll do. World series, a pass. A pass. In a month it'll be worth fifteen bucks.
SAUNDERS : Well.
DIZ : You're not talking to this guy!
NOSEY : Ah, what do you say?
DIZ : Nothing. Beat it!
SAUNDERS : How would your pals like to get in on this?
NOSEY : Hey, hey. I want a scoop.
DIZ : Beat it!
SAUNDERS : Well, that's out. Either it's lots of reporters and lots of tickets or...Now you better go and call 'em before I change my mind about the whole thing?
NOSEY : Okay, okay. I'll see you right here.
DIZ : What do you think you're gonna to do?
SAUNDERS : I'm gonna get my whole fall outfit and quit this job in style.
DIZ : Oh, now you've got more sense than to put Nosey onto that guy.
REPORTERS : That's it. Come on. Open your eyes. Chin up. Open up your eyes. Big smile. Open up your eyes. That's a boy.
REPORTER 1 : Tell us about yourself, Senator!
REPORTER 2 : Hear you have a Boys' Club back home, Senator.
NOSEY : Have you got any special ax to grind?
JEFFERSON : Ax?
NOSEY : Yeah! You know, pet ideas. Save the buffaloes, Pension Bill...you must have one idea you think would be good for the country, haven't you?
JEFFERSON : Well, I have got one idea.
REPORTERS : Well, break on to it, that's what we want.
(00:30:00)
JEFFERSON : Well, for the last couple years, I've thought it would be a wonderful idea to have a National Boys' Camp out in our state.
REPORTERS : Boys' Camp. Yeah, sure, sure. Very good.
JEFFERSON : You see, if we could just get the poor kids off the streets, out of the cities for a few months in the summer and...let them learn something about Nature and the American ideal.
REPORTERS : Marvelous. Oh, I'd love it.
NOSEY : What would you say this camp would set the Government back?
JEFFERSON : Oh. Nothing, nothing at all. You see, my idea is that the Government just lends us the money for the camp and the boys' pay it back by sending pennies, nickels...nothing more than a dime.
REPORTERS : Well, that's reasonable. All right.
JEFFERSON : Oh, no, no. The Government's got enough on its hands already without...
NOSEY : Well that's great. The Government putting too much dough in too many places now, boys.
FEMALE REPORTER : Now, Senator, tell me. What do you think of the girls in this town.
JEFFERSON : Gosh, I...down at the station, four of 'em came up and kissed me when I got off the train.
FEMALE REPORTER : Were they pretty?
JEFFERSON : Pretty? Huh, that Miss Susan Paine, she's about the prettiest girl I ever did see.
REPORTERS : Senator, you've got a good eye. How about some more pictures, Senator. Yeah. You're a nature lover, How about it? Can you handle some of that sign language.
JEFFERSON : Yeah, I can manage. If you...
REPORTERS : What about some bird calls, Senator. You know any?
JEFFERSON : Uh-huh. Sure.
REPORTER : Can you make a sound like an eagle? How about a bob-white.
JEFFERSON : Well, uh, here's one. I'm the only one in this state who knows this one.
REPORTER : Well, we could use that.
HEADLINE READS : "First Whiff of Washington" "Smith Demands More Common Sense, Less Law in Government; Pals Indian Sign on Congress." "Brings Own Axe to Grind" "Will Be Heard From" "Looks for Improvement" "Makes Fire to Put Heat on Congress"
PAINE : "His First Whiff of Washington?" Do I actually see this?
SUSAN : Uh, what is it?
SAUNDERS : Did you want to see me, Senator?
PAINE : What's this I hear about your quitting?
SAUNDERS : Well, I'm not a registered nurse.
PAINE : Well, now stop being funny. How did this happen?
SAUNDERS : Oh, the ranger's notices? I haven't the slightest idea.
PAINE : Yes you have. How'd it happen.
SAUNDERS : Look, I merely took him home. I didn't tuck him in, give him his bottle. That's McGann's job.
PAINE : McGann just phoned, out of his mind. Smith's gone again. Do you know where?
SAUNDERS : Yes. He went up to Mount Vernon to give himself a patriotic address.
PAINE : That's fine. Now then Saunders, you stop this nonsense, and go back to Smith's office and go to work and get him to the Senate by twelve o'clock.
SAUNDERS : Look, Senator. I wasn't given a brain just to tell a Boy Ranger what time it is.
PAINE : Don't be a fool, Saunders. If certain things happen, I'm taking everybody up with me and you'll get one of the biggest jobs in Washington.
SAUNDERS : Look, when I came here, my eyes were big blue question marks. Now they're big, green dollar marks.
PAINE : Oh, smart girl, huh? All right. Finish this job properly and you'll get a handsome bonus. And by properly I mean, keep Smith away from anything that smacks of politics.
SAUNDERS : Including Willet Creek Dam?
PAINE : Including Willet Creek Dam. Now go back to your work.
SAUNDERS : This is it, Senator.
JEFFERSON : The United States Senate.
SAUNDERS : Uh-huh. Come on.
SAUNDERS : Mr. Caushin, this is Senator Smith.
JEFFERSON : How do you do, sir.
CAUSHIN : How do you do, Senator. Page. Glad to see you.
JEFFERSON : Thank you.
CAUSHIN : Show Mr. Smith to his seat.
PAGE BOY : Yes, sir. Right this way, sir.
SAUNDERS : Well, good-bye.
JEFFERSON : Oh, wish me luck.
SAUNDERS : Sure.
JEFFERSON : Bye.
SAUNDERS : Bye.
SENATOR : So that's the boy wonder, eh?
SENATOR : I don't know what the Senate's comin' to.
SAUNDERS : Hiya Diz.
DIZ : Hello Saunders.
SAUNDERS : Darrel, Sweemer.
DIZ : I see you got Daniel Boone in all right.
SAUNDERS : Yeah. Daniel in the lion's den.
DIZ : Nice job you and the ambulance chasers did on the papers this morning.
SAUNDERS : Oh, did you like it?
DIZ : Great.
PAGE BOY : Here you are Senator. Not a bad desk either. Daniel Webster used to use it.
JEFFERSON : Daniel Webster sat here? Holy Mackrel.
PAGE BOY : Give you something to shoot at, Senator. If you figure on doin' any talking.
JEFFERSON : Oh, no. I'm just gonna sit around listen.
PAGE BOY : That's the way to get re-elected. This is the calendar for the day. You'll find the Senate manual in here.
JEFFERSON : Oh, yeah.
PAGE BOY : Anything else you want, just snap for a page.
JEFFERSON : Uh, well where's the majority leader?
PAGE BOY : Majority leader? Right over there. Senator Agnew. And that's Senator Barnes, the minority leader.
JEFFERSON : Senator Barnes...And where's the press gallery? Where's that?
PAGE BOY : Right over there. Above the Vice President's chair.
Fellows in the front row represent the big news services.
JEFFERSON : What's, what's that up there.
PAGE BOY : That corners reserved for guides and sight-seers who come in for five minutes at a time to rest their feet. And that section over there's reserved for the Senator's friends. Front row, the empty one, is for the President and White House guest.
JEFFERSON : Oh, I see.
PAGE BOY : Back there, over the clock is the diplomatic section. They and the page boys are the only real class we have in the place.
JEFFERSON : Well, thanks ever so much.
PAGE BOY : I'll take your hat in the cloak room, sir.
(00:35:00)
JEFFERSON : Say. I, I'd like to give you a Boy Ranger button.
PAGE BOY : Swell.
JEFFERSON : What's your name?
PAGE BOY : Richard Jones.
JEFFERSON : Well Dick, thanks ever so much.
PAGE BOY : Well. Good luck, Senator. Keep your left up.
FRIEND : See ya in the White House, Joe.
PAINE : Yeah, you're not kidding. Jeff.
JEFFERSON : Hello, Senator.
PAINE : Sorry, I was in committee.
JEFFERSON : That's all right, sir.
PAINE : Well, I uh, see you had a little publicity.
JEFFERSON : Hmm?
PAINE : Uh, have you got you're credentials.
JEFFERSON : Oh. Yeah. Saunders gave it to me. Is that right?
PAINE : Yeah. That's a...yeah, that's fine. Now, when the Vice President calls you, just walk along here and I'll meet you in the center aisle.
JEFFERSON : Center aisle, all right.
PAINE : Good luck.
JEFFERSON : This is Daniel Webster's desk. Did you know that?
PAINE : Mmm-hmm. He won't mind.
PRESIDENT : Well. Senate will come to order. Chaplain will pray.
CHAPLAIN : O God, our heavenly father. In these critical days when our beloved country labors with such grave and disturbing problems, to the father we beseech thee and give us the light and the strength to be just and merciful, so that we may best serve our people and our fellow men everywhere. Amen.
PRESIDENT : The clerk will read the...
AGNEW : Mr. President. I ask unanimous consent that the reading of the journal be dispensed with, the journal stand approved.
PRESIDENT : Is there an objection? The journal stands approved.
BROWNELL : Mr. President.
PRESIDENT : Senator Brownell.
BROWNELL : I suggest the absence of a quorum.
PRESIDENT : The clerk will call the roll.
CLERK : Mr. Agnew.
AGNEW : Here.
CLERK : Mr. Albert.
ALBERT : Here.
CLERK : Mr. Alfred.
PRESIDENT : Eighty-eight Senators have answered to their names. All is present.
PAINE : Mr. President.
PRESIDENT : Senator Paine.
PAINE : I present the credentials of Honorable Jefferson Smith, who has just been appointed Senator by the Governor of my state. The Senator designate is present and I ask that the oath of office be administered to him at this time.
PRESIDENT : If the Senator designate will present himself at the desk, the oath will be administered.
SENATOR : Mr. President! I rise to a question of order!
DIZ : Here it comes.
SENATOR : I seek to ascertain if the gentleman about to be sworn in is fully aware of the responsibilities of his high office. I refer to his astounding and shameless performance for the newspapers. A versatile performance, I grant you. And one that his party, no doubt, will applaud. But one that brings his rank down to the level of a side-show entertainer and reflects on the sincerity, if not the sanity of the highest body of lawmakers in the land! I seek to learn if this is the gentleman's conception of the nature of his office.
JEFFERSON : I don't, I don't understand...
PRESIDENT : The Senator designate has no voice in this chamber until the oath of office has been administered.
PAINE : Mr. President. I will answer the gentleman. My colleague was innocent in the matter referred to. He was completely misquoted. I know Jefferson Smith and I will personally vouch for him. He has the greatest possible respect for his office and for these gentlemen.
SENATOR : Mr. President!
PRESIDENT : The swearing in of the Senator designate is the order of business! The gentleman will raise his right hand: Do you solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies, foreign and domestic and that you will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that you take this obligation freely without mental reservation and purpose of evasion and that you will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which you are about to enter? So help you God.
JEFFERSON : I do.
PRESIDENT : Senator, you can talk all you want to now.
PAINE : Meet the Majority Leader, he'll be a good friend. He'll turn you around.
JEFFERSON : How do you do, sir?
AGNEW : How are you? Any friend of Joe's is a friend of mine.
JEFFERSON : Thank you, sir.
AGNEW : Good luck.
PAINE : You don't have to worry about the others, they're just Senators, you know.
McPHERSON : Mr. President.
PRESIDENT : Senator McPherson.
McPHERSON : The shameless way in which the Deficiency Bill has been delayed is nothing short of criminal. The country and government agencies are in desperate need of these funds. The prime business of this body is the immediate passage of the knowledge of...
(00:40:11)
DIZ : Hello Nosey. Who let you in here?
SWEENEY : Why aren't you out chasing ambulances?
NOSEY : That guy Smith is punching everybody he meets. I just got away from him. A-oh. Tarzan! Boys, meet Senator Smith.
SWEENEY : You act like a man with something on our mind.
JEFFERSON : Why don't you tell the people the truth for a change?
REPORTERS : Oh, the truth!
SUMMERS : The man wants the truth!
DARRELL : The man wants the truth!
DIZ : "What is the truth?" said Justine Pilot, and would not stay for an answer.
SWEENEY : How do you want it Senator, dished out or in a bottle?
JEFFERSON : When the people of this country pick up their papers and what do they read?
DIZ : Well, this morning, they read that an incompetent clown had arrived in Washington parading like a member of the Senate.
JEFFERSON : If you thought as much as being honest as you do of being smart!
DIZ : Honest? Why we're the only ones who can afford to be honest in what we tell the voters. We don't have to be re-elected, like politicians.
REPORTERS : Here, here.
SWEENEY : For instance, we tell 'em when the phonies or crackpots come here to make their laws...
DARRELL : If it's the truth you want, what are you doing in the Senate?
FLOOD : What do you know about laws or making laws or what the people need?
JEFFERSON : I don't pretend to know!
DIZ : Then what are you doing in the Senate?
SWEENEY : What's he doing? Why, honorary appointment!
SUMMERS : When the country needs men up there who know and have courage as it never did before, he's just gonna to decorate a chair and get himself honored.
DARRELL : Oh, but he'll vote! Sure. Just like his colleague tells him to.
DIZ : "Yes, sir", like a Christmas tiger. He'll nod his head and vote...
REPORTERS : "Yes".
DIZ : You're not a Senator! You're an honorary stooge! You ought to be shown up!
FLOOD : Have a drink, Senator!
FARRELL : It'll taste better than the truth.
DIZ : Hey, Senator. Don't let it get you down. A hundred years from now, nobody'll know the difference.
JEFFERSON : The, the point is sir, they're right. I'm just sitting in the Senate, decorating a chair. Now, i-if I'm gonna vote I, at least ought to try to study some of the Bills that are coming.
PAINE : The Bills?
JEFFERSON : Well, yes sir. Otherwise I'm just a Christmas tiger. Like they said.
PAINE : Jeff, these Bills are put together by legal minds, after long study. Why, I, I, I can't understand ha-half of them myself and I used to be a lawyer. Now, come on. Forget it. When the time comes, I'll advise you how to vote.
JEFFERSON : Well, yes I know you will sir. But that's just the point. There's no reason for me to be here at all.
PAINE : Jeff. Didn't you say something to the papers about wanting to create a National Boys' Camp? Now, you were earnest about that, weren't you?
JEFFERSON : Yes I was.
PAINE : Well, why don't you do it? Now, there's a job for you. Get a Bill started to accomplish it, present it to Congress. It'd be great experience for you.
JEFFERSON : Senator Paine, If I...I've been aching to mention it to you. If I could just do that one thing while I'm here, that Boys Camp...I'd, I'd, I'd feel...
PAINE : Well, what's to stop you? Saunders will help you with it.
JEFFERSON : Well, I'll do it. I will! I knew that if anyone could help me, you could. And thank you for your time, sir. Good night.
PAINE : Hey, where you running off to?
JEFFERSON : Well, I'm sort of anxious to get back to the office.
SUSAN : Father? Oh, the man on the front page.
PAINE : He just dropped in for a minute, Susan.
SUSAN : Oh, how nice. How do you do, Senator?
JEFFERSON : How do you do, Miss Paine? I'm just on my way to the office.
SUSAN : How are the pigeons?
JEFFERSON : Oh, they're fine.
SUSAN : Oh, I've missed the dear little things.
JEFFERSON : Well, I released one this morning with a letter in it. He, he flew right up...flew right straight up to sort of get his bearings and then he went around the Capitol Dome once. And then he headed west like a bat out a...he, just like a rifle shot and I suppose, by about this time he, he's probably over Kentucky.
SUSAN : Well, isn't that wonderful, Father?
PAINE : Mmm-hmm.
SUSAN : And was the letter to your girl?
JEFFERSON : Oh, no. Oh, no. No, I, I don't have a girl.
SUSAN : Don't you think I'd better hold this for you?
JEFFERSON : No, I think I'd better go. Good night. Doggonnit! Sorry, sir, I...
PAINE : That's all right, my boy. Don't bother.
JEFFERSON : (mumbling) ...the shade. Gee, I'm sorry. Well, good night.
PAINE : Good night.
SUSAN : Good night.
JEFFERSON : ...this.
SUSAN : Oh, Father. Oh, dear me.
PAINE : Well, at the expense of some of the furniture, Susan, you've made another conquest.
SUSAN : Not Ol' Honest Abe!
PAINE : And with Honest Abe's ideals. A rare man these days, Susan.
JEFFERSON : Yes, sir. We're going ahead with it.
SAUNDERS : Going right ahead with what?
JEFFERSON : The Bill. My Bill, for a National Boys Camp. Where's my briefcase? Oh, there it is.
SAUNDERS : Just a moment. Do I understand that you're going to present a Bill?
JEFFERSON : Yes, Senator Paine and I decided that the only way we could...
SAUNDERS : Senator Paine decided this with you?
JEFFERSON : Yes, it was his idea. Of course, I should have been the one to think of it.
SAUNDERS : My dear Senator, have you the faintest idea of what it takes to get a Bill passed?
JEFFERSON : No, no, you're going to help me.
(00:45:00)
SAUNDERS : If I were triplets, I could...
JEFFERSON : Now Miss Saunders, Senator Paine said that you're going to help me. Now, what do we have to have? What books do we have to have and when we, how do we write them...
SAUNDERS : Look, Senator. Do you mind if I give you a rough idea of what you're up against?
JEFFERSON : Nope, no, no. Go ahead.
SAUNDERS : Well, a Senator has a Bill in mind, like your camp, right?
JEFFERSON : Right.
SAUNDERS : Fine, now, what does he do? He's has to sit down first and write it up. The why, when, where, how and everything else. Now, that takes time.
JEFFERSON : But, this one is so simple.
SAUNDERS : Oh, I see. This one is simple.
JEFFERSON : And with your help...
SAUNDERS : Oh, I'm helping. Yeah. Simple and I'm helping. So we knock this off in record-breaking time of let's say three, four days...
JEFFERSON : Oh, a day.
SAUNDERS : A day.
JEFFERSON : Yeah, just tonight.
SAUNDERS : Tonight. I don't want to seem to be complaining, Senator...but in all civilized countries, there's an institution called dinner.
JEFFERSON : Oh. Sorta hungry myself. Well, uh, couldn't we sort of have some stuff brought in on trays? You know, like big executives?
SAUNDERS : Oh, sure. Well, dinner comes in on trays. We're big executives. We're light into this.
JEFFERSON : And we finish the Bill before morning.
SAUNDERS : Yeah. It's dawn. Your Bill is ready. You take it over there and you introduce it.
JEFFERSON : How?
SAUNDERS : You get to your feet in the Senate, take a long breathe and you start spouting. But not too loud because a couple of the Senators might want to sleep. Then a curly-headed pageboy takes it up to the desk where a long faced Clerk reads it and refers it to the right committee.
JEFFERSON : Committee, huh?
SAUNDERS : Committee.
JEFFERSON : Why?
SAUNDERS : Look, committees, small groups of Senators have to sift a Bill down, look into it, study it and report to the whole Senate. You can't take a Bill nobody even heard about and discuss it among ninety-six men. Where would you get?
JEFFERSON : Yeah. I see that. Uh-huh.
SAUNDERS : Good. Where are we?
JEFFERSON : Some committee's got it.
SAUNDERS : Yeah. Now, days are going by, Senator. Days, weeks. Finally, they think it's quite a Bill. It goes over to the House of Representatives for debate and a vote. But it's got to wait its turn on the calendar.
JEFFERSON : Calendar, huh?
SAUNDERS : Yeah. That's the order of business. Your Bill has to stand way back there in line unless the Steering Committee thinks it's important.
JEFFERSON : What's that?
SAUNDERS : What?
JEFFERSON : The Steering Committee.
SAUNDERS : Do you really think we're getting anywhere?
JEFFERSON : Oh, yes. Miss Saunders. What's a Steering Committee?
SAUNDERS : Committee of the majority party leaders. They decide when a Bill is important enough to be moved up toward the head of the list.
JEFFERSON : Well, this is.
SAUNDERS : Pardon me...this is. Where are we now?
JEFFERSON : We're over in the House.
SAUNDERS : Oh yeah. House. More amendments, more changes and the Bill goes back to the Senate. The Senate doesn't like what the House did to the Bill. They make more changes. The House doesn't like those changes. Stymie.
JEFFERSON : So?
SAUNDERS : So, they appoint men from each house to go into a huddle called a conference and they battle it out. Finally, if the Bill is live after all this vivisection, it comes to a vote. Yes, sir. The big day finally arrives. Then, Congress adjourns. Are you catching on, Senator?
JEFFERSON : Uh-huh. Shall we start on it right away or order dinner first?
SAUNDERS : Pardon me?
JEFFERSON : I said, shall we get started now or...
SAUNDERS : Oh, sure. Why not? Do you mind if I take the time to go and get a pencil?
JEFFERSON : Oh, no. Go right ahead, Miss Saunders.
SAUNDERS : Thank you very much.
JEFFERSON : And lots of paper! Now, the a...doggonnit! Did you ever have so much to say about something you couldn't say it?
SAUNDERS : Try sitting down.
JEFFERSON : I did, and, and I got right up again.
SAUNDERS : Now, look. Let's get down to particulars. How big is this thing? Where is it going to be? How many boys will it accommodate? You've got to have all that in it, you know.
JEFFERSON : Yeah. Yeah. And something else, Miss Saunders. The a, spirit of it...the idea, the, the...how do you say it...That's what's got to be in it.
SAUNDERS : What?
JEFFERSON : The Capitol Dome!
SAUNDERS : On paper?
JEFFERSON : I want to make that come to life for every boy in this land. Yes, and lighted up like that too. You see, you see, boys forget what their country means by just reading 'the land of the free' in history books. and they get to be men and forget even more. Liberty is too precious to be buried in books, Miss Saunders. Men should hold it up in front of them, every single day of their lives and say: 'I am free to think and speak. My ancestors couldn't. I can and my children will.' The boys ought to grow up remembering that. And that, that Steering Committee or whatever it is, they've got to see it like that. And I know Senator Paine will do all he can to help me because he's a wonderful man, isn't he Miss Saunders? You know, he knew my father very well.
SAUNDERS : He did?
JEFFERSON : Yeah. Yeah, we need a lot more like him, his kind of character...his ideals.
SAUNDERS : Um, let's get on with this.
JEFFERSON : Oh, yes. All right.
SAUNDERS : This camp is going to be out in your state?
JEFFERSON : About two hundred of the most beautiful acres that ever were! You've never been out in that country have you, Miss Saunders?
SAUNDERS : No.
JEFFERSON : I've been over every single foot of it. You could have no idea. You'd just have to see for yourself. I don't know the prairies, the wind leaning on the tall grass, lazy streams down in the meadows and angry little midgets of water up in the mountains. Cattle moving down the slope against the sun, campfires and snowdrifts. You know, everybody ought to have some of that some time in his life. My dad had the right idea. He had it all worked out. He used to say to me, "Son, don't miss the wonders that surround you. Because every tree and every rock, every ant-hill, every star is filled with the wonders of nature." And he used to say to me "Have you ever noticed how grateful you are to see daylight again after going through a dark tunnel? Well, he'd say, "Always try to see life around you as if you'd just come out of a tunnel." Where did you come from, Miss Saunders?
(00:50:45)
SAUNDERS : Well, I guess I've always lived in a tunnel.
JEFFERSON : You mean, here?
SAUNDERS : Baltimore. Pure city-dweller.
JEFFERSON : Have you always had to work?
SAUNDERS : Since I was about sixteen.
JEFFERSON : I take it your, your parents couldn't uh...
SAUNDERS : No, they couldn't. Father was a doctor. He thought more of ethics than he did of collections. Speaks well for Father, but it wasn't so...Now look, we better get back to this.
JEFFERSON : It hasn't been easy, has it?
SAUNDERS : No complaints.
JEFFERSON : I mean, for a woman you've done awfully well...
SAUNDERS : Have I?
JEFFERSON : I've never known anyone as capable or intelligent. Gosh, I, I don't know where I'd be on this Bill of mine if it wasn't for your help.
SAUNDERS : Well, I don't know where you are with it.
JEFFERSON : Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, now. Gee wiz, we gotta get going with this, Miss Saunders. All right now, let's see. Say, everybody calls you just plain 'Saunders', why can't I?
SAUNDERS : Go right ahead.
JEFFERSON : Saunders. Oh, that's much better. Saunders. Hello, Saunders. Mornin' Saunders. How's the Bill coming, Saunders?
SAUNDERS : Terrible, thank you.
JEFFERSON : Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, I've got that 'Saunders' business settled. That's probably the trouble all along. All right, now...I, what's your first name?
SAUNDERS : Why?
JEFFERSON : Well I, everybody calls you just plain Saunders?
SAUNDERS : Well, I also answer to whistles.
JEFFERSON : Well, you've got a first name, haven't you?
SAUNDERS : Yes but, uh...you just better forget about it.
JEFFERSON : All right. All right, okay. Uh, darn it, I was just curious. I, picture popped into my mind all of a pump without a handle or something. It's all right. Uh, of course I know what it is. Violet.
SAUNDERS : No, it isn't. JEFFERSON : Abigail.
SAUNDERS : No.
JEFFERSON : Letitia.
SAUNDERS : No!
JEFFERSON : Lena.
SAUNDERS : No. Now, stop it!
JEFFERSON : You may as well tell me, I've got a lot more, you know.
SAUNDERS : All right, you win. It's Clarissa.
JEFFERSON : Clarissa, huh? All right, Saunders, let's go.
SAUNDERS : Now, uh, Susan's an awfully pretty name isn't it.
JEFFERSON : Susan! Susan Paine. Oh, that's beautiful.
SAUNDERS : She's a beautiful woman, isn't she?
JEFFERSON : Oh. Isn't she a beautiful girl? I, I think she's probably about the most beautiful girl I've ever...Oh now, Saunders now, we've gotta get started on this thing, now, we're never going to get finished. All right, now get all set 'cause I'm gonna talk faster'n you can write. All right, you ready?
SAUNDERS : Yeah.
JEFFERSON : Okay. The location of this camp. About two hundred acres uh, situated in Ambrose County, Terry Canyon. Running about a quarter of a mile on either side of Willet Creek.
SAUNDERS : Ah, what?
JEFFERSON : Willet Creek. W-I-L-L-E-T. It's just a little stream.
SAUNDERS : In Terry Canyon?
JEFFERSON : Well, yeah. Yeah. You don't know it, do you?
SAUNDERS : No.
JEFFERSON : Well, no you couldn't. You've never, nev...been out there, you said.
SAUNDERS : You've discussed this with Senator Paine and everything?
JEFFERSON : Well, no. Why?
SAUNDERS : Oh. Nothing. It doesn't matter, there's no reason to talk it over with him. A quarter of a mile on either side of Willet Creek.
JEFFERSON : ...and the money to...the land to be bought by the contributions from the boys. The uh, money to be loaned to us by the government of the United States.
DIZ : What did you get me outta bed for?
SAUNDERS : Shh. Diz, sit tight. The show's about to commence.
DIZ : Mind telling me what's going on around here?
SAUNDERS : Certainly. Now there's the principal actor in our little play. Don Quixote Smith, man with bill. Over here, one of the supporting characters.
DIZ : Who?
SAUNDERS : That gorilla in man's clothing, McGann.
DIZ : Oh, you mean 'Puss in Boots'?
SAUNDERS : Yes. Mostly 'puss'. Ah-ha. Another prominent character in our little play. The silver Knight. Soul of Honor on a tight-rope.
DIZ : You wouldn't be a little bit goofy, would you?
SAUNDERS : Diz, Don Quixote with bill, will get to his feet in a minute and speak two important words, Willet Creek. When that happens, the Silver Knight will fall off his tight-rope and Puss will jump out of his boots.
PRESIDENT : It's so ordered. Introduction of new bills and joint resolutions.
JEFFERSON : Mr. President!
PRESIDENT : The chair recognizes the rather strong-lunged Junior Senator, Mr. Smith.
JEFFERSON : I'm very sorry, sir. I have a bill...
(00:55:00)
PRESIDENT : You may speak a little louder Senator. But, not too loud.
JEFFERSON : I have a bill to propose, sir.
PRESIDENT : Order, gentlemen! Our Junior Senator is about to make a speech. You may proceed, Senator.
JEFFERSON : Be it enacted by the Senate and the House of Representatives that there be appropriated as a loan a sum sufficient to create a National Boys' Camp to be paid back to the United States Treasury by contributions from boys of America. This Camp to be situated on the land at and adjacent to the head waters of a stream known as Willet Creek in Terry Canyon for the purpose of bringing together boys of all walks of life from various parts of the country. Boys of all creeds, kinds and positions. To educate them in American ideals and to promote mutual understanding and to bring about a healthful life to the growing youth of this great and beautiful land!
PRESIDENT : Our young Senator will make a good Honorary when his voice stops changing.
McGANN : Listen Joe. I'm getting leery of this guy. We keep calling him dumb and he keeps winding up in our hair and I'm telling you, when he finds out that a dam's going up where he wants his Boys' Camp, he's gonna start asking questions six ways from Sunday.
PAINE : Be quiet, Chick. I'm trying to think. This Deficiency Bill is going to be read in the Senate tomorrow.
McGANN : Tomorrow! Why Joe, he'll hear the section on Willet Dam. He can't be there!
PAINE : I know that.
McGANN : Tomorrow, I'm taking him to see monuments even if I have to hit him over the head with a couple.
PAINE : That won't work, Chick. This boy's honest, not stupid.
McGANN : Susan!
PAINE : My daughter isn't there to carry out assignments like that for anybody.