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by Tara and
Charles Carreon
Click here to play "Suicide Santa," by Charles Carreon
SUICIDE SANTA
by Charles Carreon It was the
Night before Christmas
And all down the road,
The truckers were pulling
Their Chinese loads
Haulin' that crap
To Wal-Mart and such
So we can bury our kids
Under a mountain of junk
Only assholes hate Christmas
Least that's what they said
And when he heard it a lightbulb
burned out in his head
He flipped into overdrive
And picked up his suit
He was a jolly old fella
With bombs in his boots
He was a Suicide Santa
With tears in his eyes
For his message to the world
He was happy to die
Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Well he made a long list
Of bad boys and girls
We'd be better off losing
From this great big world
Millionaires, Billionaires,
Trillionaires, friends
Bankers and lawyers
The ones who know best
He tucked that list
in his suicide vest,
Headed out on the freeway
To the Vegas strip
He was dressed real nicely
for his final act
Wasn't gonna stick around
for a heart attack
He was a Suicide Santa
With tears in his eyes
For his message to the world
He was happy to die
Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
He called himself in to 911
Said he was headed for Caesar's to have some fun
Loaded for bear, let the SWAT team come,
They're welcome to die, every goddamn one
Security parted like the Damn Red
Sea
When Moses stretched out
his rod, you see,
He was a smilin' mass of notoriety
He was a Suicide Santa
With tears in his eyes
For his message to the world
He was happy to die
Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
He cleared out the dealers
From the gambling hall
To the poor broke players
He gave it all
He told the band to play White
Christmas,
and to the showgirls said sit down,
saying, "I'm not ready yet
to blow this town"
That seemed to relax
the tension a notch
He lit himself a stogie
And asked for some scotch
With his boots on the table,
He savored a sip
And said to the cameras
"What a helluva trip,"
Here I threaten to kill 'em
Now I'm in the chips"
Cause I'm a Suicide Santa
But I'm not insane
It's just lately
This terrible pain
We'll all have to suffer
for the mess they made
So I'm a Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
A Suicide Santa
Doo, doo, doo, doo
Then he pulled an alarm clock
From one of his boots
Hooked a wire up to it
and then said "Boo!"
The people fell back
And moved for the door
Except one old chick
A used-up whore
She said if you don't mind
I'll sit with you
As far as I could tell
This show's about through
He pulled out a chair
And poured her a shot
He said, "At this here table
We bet the whole damn pot."
'Cause I'm a Suicide Santa
And on Christmas Day
We'll light these candles
In a magic way
Convert the doubters
And believers, too
Show 'em the shimmy
Like we used to do
'Cause I'm a Suicide Santa,
And it's Christmas Day,
You can push my button
Any goddamn day
'Cause I'm a Suicide Santa
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suicide Santa
Yeah yeah yeah
Well it was all over Google
On Christmas Day
How Suicide Santa
Made his getaway
From the rooftops of Vegas
Where he hitched a ride
In a stolen copter
That flew outta sight
Flying over the mountains
Last seen heading north
As fast as Mel Gibson
In a speeding Porsche
He leaned out the window
With his Newlywed wife
Smilin' like Elvis
Under the lights
He said "Merry Christmas
And to all a good night
May good boys and girls
Learn how to not fight
'Cause I'm a Suicide Santa
And it's Christmas Day
I've got my toys,
So now it's time to play
I'm Suicide Santa
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Suicide Santa
Ho, ho, ho
I'm a Suicide Santa
And it's Christmas Day
I've got my toys,
Now it's time to play-heh-heh yeah
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