by Anonymous

September, 2002

I've cc'd you a note I sent to [BB poster].  I'd appreciate you keeping this confidential as we are still in process with this and don't need it all over a BB.

But mostly I want to thank you for trying to set [BB poster] straight as to what is abuse in this context.  It was a huge leap for those of us abused to name it as such.  And all those points you are making to [BB poster] are things that we have had to come to believe ourselves.  We were so protective of him and so wanting to believe it wasn't so.  It has been tremendously validating and healing for me to read your words.

So thank you very much and somehow, even though I can't really see how, let's hope this works to our benefit!!

All the best -- [Anonymous]

Dear [BB poster]

I have been reading your exchange with [BB poster] re: abuse and I felt I should fill you in a bit.  I have been a Vajrayana student for 22 years.  22 years spent seriously studying in a small group intensely.  My husband has been a student of the same guru since 76 and many of the students for 30 years or so.  HH the Dalai Lama once told us, "Stay close to (our teacher's name) and you will have the good result."  Many other well respected gurus have said similar things.  We've been close to them all.

Our group have imploded over the last 9 months when many of us women disclosed that we had been having sexual relations with our teacher.  It was nothing that we wanted and believe me, not anything remotely so fabulous as you imagine it to be.  We were all put in that difficult box -- the teacher is a Buddha, perfect, any contrary thoughts you have are attachment, ego, etc.  Think of all the tribulations of past students (jumping off buildings, driven to suicide like Milarepa, and nearly one of my dharma sisters), etc.  When the model being held up is that there is no such things as abuse, the guru is doing it all to bring you to that place -- what can you do?  The stories I could tell you, I assure you are beyond your wildest imagination.  Why, you may ask?  Where is your responsibility, you may say?  Ask the same questions of Milarepa.  No one was forcing him to stay there for all that abuse.  This was going on for 30 years -- talk about keeping the "teachings" secret!  We look back now and see we were classic cult sexual abuse victims.  Sorry to pop your bubble.

[BB poster] referred to you as a newbie.  I must agree.  There's a lot here and you better think long and hard about giving everything over.  This is going on in so many places, in so many different groups and still to this very moment.

I hope this story will give you some gnawing doubts that keep you from returning to sleep in the middle of the night.  And that it is of some use to you.

With love -- [anonymous]