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KING OF HEARTS -- SCREENPLAY |
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Directed by Philippe de Broca, starring Pierre Brasseur, Jean Claude Brialy, Genevieve Bujold, Adolfo Celi, Francoise Christophe, Julien Guiomar, Micheline Presle, Michel Serrault, and Alan Bates
King of Hearts, directed by Philippe de Broca -- Illustrated Screenplay & Screencap Gallery [Transcribed from the movie by Tara Carreon, American Buddha Online Librarian] FILDEBROC ET LES PRODUCTIONS ARTISTES
ASSOCIES PRESENTENT [Narrator] "October 1918. The War is almost over. The Germans retreat, the Allies advance. A small town in Northern France awaits its liberation." [Lieut. Hamburger] Are the wires set yet? [Soldier] Everything's fine. [Lieut. Hamburger] Hurry up. Close it. Hurry up. *** [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Enter. [Lieut. Hamburger] It's done, Colonel ... with not a moment to lose. The enemy is near the river. Shall I blow up the bridge? [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Not yet. First, we pull out of town. [Lieut. Hamburger] The munitions? [Col. Helmut Von Krack] How much is there? [Lieut. Hamburger] But there's enough there to blow up ... the whole town. [Col. Helmut Von Krack] The blockhouse and the whole town will blow up when the English general is sitting here where I am now. [Lieut. Hamburger] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. [Col. Helmut Von Krack] You have an artistic clock, Mr. Frenchman. A very artistic clock! Artistically the town will blow up. The clock gives me an idea. The knight strikes at midnight, no? It shall strike for the last time! [Adolf Hitler] Colonel, my ideology ... [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Later, Adolf. Later. [Barber] The knight strikes at midnight. *** [Man] What is it? [Barber] They're blowing it up! The Krauts! [Man] Blow up? [Barber] The town, the bridge, everything. We must pass the word. Hurry, there's no time to lose. *** [Man] Get out! The town is going to explode! [Barber] "The mackerel likes frying. The mackerel likes frying." Germans blowing up munitions dump tonight before midnight. The knight strikes at midnight! For God's sake, don't enter the town! [German soldiers shoot Barber dead] [Scottish Soldier] SPQ to Mackerel, answer. They have cut off. [Captain] Give to me, man. *** [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Come in. [Captain] Sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] "The mackerel likes frying." The barber, of course. The resistance. "Germans blowing up the munitions before midnight tomorrow. Don't enter town for God's sake. The knight strikes at midnight. Impossible to --" Stop! Halt! *** [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] And they have every intention of blowing the whole thing sky-high. The town and the bridge. When? We don't know, but sometime before midnight tomorrow. Now, gentlemen, that bridge must not go up. I don't care what it costs, but we must save it. Any delay in our advance at this point will throw the whole operation off schedule. We simply can't have that. What do you suggest? [Captain] Well, sir, I'd suggest we send in one of our ordinance chaps. Time-fuse specialist, trained infiltrator, French-speaking, all that. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Splendid. Who do we have who speaks French? [Captain] There's Plumpick, sir. Ornitholography specialist, communications platoon, born in France. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Splendid. Would you ask him to volunteer? Would you, Captain? *** [Private Charles Plumpick] Now, what's the matter, Little Fat? You look depressed or something. Are you jealous of Cucumber, there? Well, listen. I'm gonna read you something now. Let me find you something nice to read. Here we go, now: "Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws on apace. More happy days bring in another moon. But oh, methinks, how slow this --" [Captain] Plumpick! [Private Charles Plumpick] Aye, sir. [Captain] Report to the Colonel. *** [Mac Fish] Private Plumpick, sir!
[Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Splendid, Pumpernickel. [Private Charles Plumpick] Plumpick, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Nickel, splendid. Good of you to volunteer. Brave lad. Stand at ease. Out! I suppose you can read a map. Your mission is quite simple. Get into the town -- You do speak French? [Private Charles Plumpick] Oui, sir.
[Private Charles Plumpick] No, sir. Yes, sir. But I wonder, sir, if you have the right Plumpick, sir. You see, I'm an ornitholography specialist, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] This calls for a specialist, Pumpernickel. [Private Charles Plumpick] Plumpick, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Nickel. You seem to pick your name out of a hat. How good is your French? [Private Charles Plumpick] Quite good, sir. But you see it's the explosives, sir. I wonder if perhaps one of the chaps from ordinance may not do the job just a wee bit better, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Send two men in that inferno? See here, man. That town can go up at any moment. You're asking me to risk the life of two of my troops? Why, blast it all? The life of every one of those men out there is dear to me as my own. [Private Charles Plumpick] The men are aware of that, sir, and we do appreciate it, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] That is leadership, lad. [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes, sir. But about the explosives, sir -- [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] That will do, Pumpernickel. Did you or did you not volunteer? [Private Charles Plumpick] Well, as a matter of fact, sir -- [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Then good. Let's get on with it. We have no time to lose. The town can go up at any moment. Let's not forget that. [Private Charles Plumpick] I don't think, sir, that I could forget that if I tried, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Well, let's get cracking, lad. By the way, the password for your contact with the barber fellow is: "The mackerel likes frying." Say, if you can find it, what the devil do they mean by "The knight strikes at midnight"? French are so wordy. Any questions? [Private Charles Plumpick] No, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Good. [Private Charles Plumpick] But I wonder, sir, if you do have the right Plumpick, sir. You see, about the explosives -- *** [German Soldier] A Scotsman! [Private Charles Plumpick] Shhh, or I'm dead. *** [General Geranium] Make way for the kings. [The Crazy Barber] Chop, chop off the woman's head. [Duke] Your turn. [Bishop Daisy] Mine. [Private Charles Plumpick] Where am I? [Duke] I'm the Duke of Clubs. [Bishop Daisy] Monseigneur Daisy. *** [Duke] I'm the Duke of Clubs. Monseigneur Daisy. Come, my friend. Tell them who you are. [Private Charles Plumpick] King of Hearts! [Duke] Your Majesty! [Bishop Daisy] Such an honor! [Lieut. Hamburger] Let's go ... they're all crazy! [Duke] Ladies and gentlemen, the King is back at last! [The Crazy Barber] I've never seen the King! [All] Long live the King! *** [Bishop Daisy] Ah! Here it is! *** [General Geranium] Nice kitty! *** [Hyacinth] Hey! Come on in, boys! *** [Duke] Madame, am I a suitable husband for you? [Duchess] And what do you think of me? *** [Private Charles Plumpick] Are you the barber? [The Crazy Barber] Obviously. [Private Charles Plumpick] Confidentially: "The mackerel likes frying." [The Crazy Barber] Obviously. [Private Charles Plumpick] Good. I can breathe again! [The Crazy Barber] Don't stop breathing, or you won't live to be old. [Customer] Good-bye. [The Crazy Barber] So nice of you to come. [Private Charles Plumpick] You pay customers? [The Crazy Barber] Yes. That's why business is good. [Private Charles Plumpick] Okay, quick. Where are the Germans? [The Crazy Barber] I'll find out. Any Germans here? [Private Charles Plumpick] Shhhh!!! [The Crazy Barber] If you speak loudly, no one listens ... No secrets here. [Private Charles Plumpick] "The knight strikes at midnight." What does that mean? [The Crazy Barber] This fashionable man is very strange! [Private Charles Plumpick] Where is the blockhouse? [The Crazy Barber] What is the blockhouse? [Private Charles Plumpick] Munitions! [The Crazy Barber] That's not my department! For that, see the General. [Private Charles Plumpick] Where is he? [The Crazy Barber] Open your eyes and look for once. Young man, have you seen the King? [Private Charles Plumpick] What king? [The Crazy Barber] The King of Hearts! Now there, where were we? *** [General Geranium] Looking for someone? Sit down. [Private Charles Plumpick] Someone named the General. [General Geranium] Oh, the General! You can help me out. I found my costume, but not my character! It's so obvious. I'm General Geranium! What was I thinking? [Private Charles Plumpick] Let's be brief. "The mackerel likes frying." [General Geranium] I don't understand. [Private Charles Plumpick] Neither do I. No one's listening. Speak openly. [General Geranium] He won't blab. [Private Charles Plumpick] "The knight strikes at midnight"? [General Geranium] Ah, midnight, the hour of crimes! [Private Charles Plumpick] We must prevent it! [General Geranium] There's no time to waste. [Private Charles Plumpick] Where are we going? [General Geranium] Behave, pussycats! Papa will be right back. [Private Charles Plumpick] You've left the door open! [General Geranium] He's so used to being caged, he doesn't want to come out! That's for him to decide. The king of beasts. Speaking of kings, have you seen him? He arrived last night; a very handsome young man, I hear. [Private Charles Plumpick] Listen, I'm fed up with all your antics and double-talk! I'm here for the blockhouse and the knight, and I don't understand. [General Geranium] I don't either. [Private Charles Plumpick] I'm not here for cock-and-bull stories! I'm too old for cops and robbers! [General Geranium] How old are you, young man? [Private Charles Plumpick] Look, I've had it with you! [General Geranium] You're hurting me! [Private Charles Plumpick] Where is the blockhouse? [General Geranium] What's a blockhouse? He's mad! *** Asile d'Alienes [Private Charles Plumpick] King of Hearts! I'm the king of the fools! I have to warn them! *** Thank God you're still here! Don't worry, it's me. I just got some new clothes. That's all. Now, one of you has got to take a message to the Colonel. Fine. You can decide between you. "From Charles Plumpick to Headquarters. Wrong town. Inhabitants odd. Chimpanzee checkmate. Encountered single bear, two lions, but no contact with Mackerel." Little Fat, it's going to be you. It is. It's going to be you. Yes. Let me put this on your leg. Your little leg because I don't want to hurt you, you see. That's right. I forgot the most important! "Postscript: Blockhouse disappeared." Good luck! *** [German Soldier] Carrier pigeon ... shoot it! [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Hurry, read it! [Lieut. Hamburger] "From Charles Plumpick. Blockhouse disappeared." [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Hamburger, take some men and go see about it. [Lieut. Hamburger] You men, come with me, on the double! *** [Captain] Message from Plumpick, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] It's high time too. "Difficulties: wrong town, inhabitants odd, encountered single bear and two lions, but unable to make contact mackerel." Gentlemen, I'm sure there's no real reason to be needlessly alarmed, but it would appear that the outcome of this whole campaign is now in the hands of a stark, raving lunatic! Private Pumpernickel has gone crackers! Captain, will you find three volunteers now? *** [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Men. [Soldiers] Sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] I want you to leave immediately. [Soldiers] Sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Stop! Come back here! Where the devil do you think you're going? [Soldiers] No idea, sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Look here. Here! Come and find out. You're going after Pumpernickel! [Soldiers] Sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Stop! To disarm that blockhouse! [Soldiers] Sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Pumpernickel. Isn't that a German name? *** [Hyacinth singing] [General Geranium] A polka, Hyacinth! [Dancing] [Hyacinth] Look ... someone's here. Got a light? [Private Charles Plumpick] No. [Hyacinth] Buy me a drink? [Private Charles Plumpick] No. [Hyacinth] What a big spender! Want to know my name? [Private Charles Plumpick] No! [Hyacinth] That's no answer! My name is Hyacinth. Shall I dress as a housewife, a mummy or a nun? [Private Charles Plumpick] You look fine this way. Listen ... sit down and don't move. Are you a whore? [Hyacinth] Yes! [Private Charles Plumpick] And I'm your customer? [Hyacinth] Yes! [Private Charles Plumpick] Good. We understand each other. Do you know what war is? [Hyacinth] No. [Private Charles Plumpick] Surrounding the town, there in the hills, are people who want to hurt you. [Hyacinth] Go tell them I'm harmless. [Private Charles Plumpick] It wouldn't work. The town may blow up any minute now. I might not even get to finish this sentence! [Hyacinth] What a shame. You have a nice voice. [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes. Go ahead. Goodbye. [Hyacinth] Listen, that's just a pipe dream. I'll tell you my secret. I live in the moment. [Private Charles Plumpick] That's all that counts. [Hyacinth] You're right, but I'm not the girl for you, that's all. I'll get you someone else. Girls! Daffodil or Rosie, Forget-me-not or Poppy. The choice is yours. Or maybe not. There's no mistaking a look like that. Unspoiled and beautiful. [Coquelicot] I'm Poppy. And you? [Private Charles Plumpick] Charles. [Hyacinth] Blush! Men go for that. [Coquelicot] Do I frighten him? [Hyacinth] Sure. Men seem tough, but they're soft as asparagus tips. Teeny babies at heart. Come on ... come in. [Private Charles Plumpick] Staying with us? [Hyacinth] To teach you a thing or two about the birds and the bees. [Coquelicot] You don't know where to start? Neither do I. [Hyacinth] This is the bedroom. The bed. The lamp. The switch. I suggest starting in the dark, then turn the light on. Look at the object of your desire carefully. Turn the light off again. Love is played like checkers, black and white. [Coquelicot] Will he get naked? [Hyacinth] Yes. Don't be nasty. There's liquor to drink. I've drawn the curtains. [Coquelicot] I feel like I've always known you. What would you like? [Private Charles Plumpick] To lose my memory. [Coquelicot] It's easy. [Private Charles plumpick] What are you doing? [Duke] Keyhole-peeping. Shut the door. The King of Hearts! What are you doing here, sir? Love has brought the King back to us! *** [General Geranium] All aboard, your Majesty. [The Crazy Barber] This way, everyone. [General Geranium] The Duke is very emotional. I once saw him cry when a fly died. A fly! At Waterloo, in '15. He's still crying. [Duke] Cousin, you're back at last! But what a state! Quick! A shirt and a sandwich! Melons and a hat! Stockings! The Duchess, my wife. An old bat. Her feet are always cold. But I've loved her for more than 60 years. [Duchess] Sire, here are my children. Blow your nose. Comb your hair. Where's Baby? [Brunehaut] There, Mommy! [Duchess] Alberic, what do you say? [Alberic] Long live the King! [Duchess] Right. [Alberic] Some candy? [Duke] Excuse me, it's a souvenir. You must rest before the coronation. Well, the dromedary is harnessed. You know how impatient these animals are. See for yourself. [Private Charles Plumpick] Where are we going? [Duke] To the cathedral. 12th century. A bit restored, like my wife. But I love her, and you will, too. [General Geranium] Little rascal! I'll tan your behind! Will you be still? *** [Duchess] It's the greatest day of my life. I've always wanted the cheers of a nation seated next to the handsomest man. [Private Charles Plumpick] Don't exaggerate. [Duchess] But I must! Without it there's nothing! [Private Charles Plumpick] Everyone here is so happy, and I've come to break up their party. These flowers, your friends, this kindness -- They will all die, and there's nothing I can do about it. [Duchess] A real king can do anything. [Private Charles Plumpick] Maybe, but not me. Time flies. Everything will blow up, as sure as my name is Charles. [Hyacinth] Look! Soldiers! [Bishop Daisy] Greetings. [Duchess] Your missal. Your rosary. Where has Alberic gone to? [Brunehaut] Back there in the sacristy. He's always into everything! [Duchess] That's fine, darling. [Singing] [Lieut. Hamburger] What is this carnival? Take those hats off! What a mess! [Singing] [Lieut. Hamburger] To the blockhouse! [Duke] Sire, allow me to make a comment about all this. Your mind is obviously somewhere else. This is a sacred moment, and you're fidgeting! Do you have to pee? [Private Charles Plumpick] No! [Duke] So, what's the matter? Smile! [Private Charles Plumpick] I'm scared. [Duke] You don't like theater? [Private Charles Plumpick] What theater? [Duke] World theater. Training school. The Comedie Francaise, the Vatican. Ceremonials, masquerades! Smile. Smile! [Bishop Daisy] The crown. The crown? Nobody has the crown? Sire, do you have a crown on you? [Private Charles Plumpick] No, but I'll go look for one. *** [Lieut. Hamburger] Company, halt! What is this nonsense? Hurry up, and clear this away. [Private Charles Plumpick] The blockhouse! [Lieut. Hamburger] Everything's set right? [Soldier] Yes, sir. [Lieut. Hamburger] Who's over there? Stop! *** [Everyone] Long live the King! [Private Charles Plumpick] Damn! Here we go again! [Bishop Daisy] You needn't have bothered, Sire. We have found a crown. [Speaking Latin] Drat! I've got a frog in my throat from all the stinking smoke! [Speaking Latin] [Singing] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ... [Bishop Daisy] Thank you. We've done something fine. [Duke] Long live the King! Long live the King of Hearts! [Everyone] We want a speech! [Hyacinth] He's so beautiful! [Bishop Daisy] My dear flock. Ladies. Citizens. Life is a valley of tears. We enter this world with a cry, and we leave with a sigh. And do you think it pleases God to see His creatures crying all the day long? In truth I tell you, our kingdom -- His kingdom -- is joy. The Arab in his desert carries with him his fountains and Heaven -- Heaven -- is the empire of the prisoner behind bars. *** [Lieut. Hamburger] Give me the ball! Stop! [General Geranium] My respect, Admiral. [The Crazy Barber] Enter, gentlemen. What a splendid machine. [General Geranium] You must get off some nice shots with this, huh? [The Crazy Barber] How about a little ride? [General Geranium] I would be delighted. [Bishop Daisy] The fish in the pond, the bird in the bush, the lamb in his wool, friends in our thoughts, and ourselves, in our voices, like the scent of the rose. That is grammar and the Law. We have decided to be happy, and nothing can stop us! [Lieut. Hamburger] Quiet! [Bishop Daisy] Amen. [Everyone singing] [Lieut. Hamburger] What ...? Show me! Block the exits! *** [Private Charles Plumpick] We're saved! I found the blockhouse! The enemy has fled! [Everyone] Long live the King! [Private Charles Plumpick] Long live my people! [Duke] Everyone to the Throne Room to start a celebration that will last three years! [Hyacinth] The Republic is proud to give you this bicycle as a present. You can pedal among the people incognito! [General Geranium] To the side, ladies. You look dreadful in daylight. Go home. [Private Charles Plumpick] Long live the General! Long live Mr. Marcel! *** [Scottish Soldier] It's Plumpick. Come on, lads. [Private Charles Plumpick] Ho-ho, chaps. Oh, gosh, am I glad to see you! Hey, there was a general in the ladies' hairdresser. They're as gentle as lambs. There's nothing to fear. This bicycle -- it was a gift from the court. You'll be happy to know I found the blockhouse again. [Scottish Soldier] Meaning it was previously lost, I suppose. [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes, it was simply covered with flowers for my coronation. [Scottish Soldier] Your coronation? [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes, my coronation! Look, there's no time to lose. The whole thing might blow up at any moment. No door. [Scottish Soldier] No door. [Private Charles Plumpick] There's got to be a way out! [Scottish Soldier] Yes, yes, grab him. Come on! [Private Charles Plumpick] What the hell you trying to do? I can find it. I'm sure I can. [Scottish Soldier] This way, lads. Come on. Hurry up. Let's go on with it. [Soldier] Wake me up. Once more. Good. Let's get out of here. *** [Duchess] Is he dead? [Duke] Just sleeping. Exhausted by the coronation. [General Geranium] Carry him gently. [Hyacinth] He tastes of raspberries ... Taste! [Duchess] Ripe raspberries. The way I like them. [General Geranium] I wouldn't mind seeing the Duke cuckolded. [Duke] Cuckolded? Who? [Duchess] Nobody, dear. [Duke] We need a cuckold for the sake of the town's equilibrium. We don't have one. We share and share alike. [Duchess] He must come back to us very gently. [Hyacinth] He must wake up happy. I like men who wake up happy. [Duchess] I have an idea. Listen. What do you hear? [Duke] The charming ticktock of your heart, sweetie. [Duchess] A beating heart. A secret clock. A heart whose beating will blend with the heart of our king. A woman is what he needs! A woman of his own. [General Geranium] Where can we get one? [Duchess] I sacrifice myself! [General Geranium] Good girl! [Duke] Generous soul! [The Crazy Barber] Who's talking about soul? [Bishop Daisy] No dirty words, my son. [General Geranium] The Duchess's buttocks belong to the Duke. [Duke] Exactly! [Hyacinth] Don't I belong to everyone? [Everyone] Shouts! [General Geranium] Impossible, honey! Who'd run your house? Do I look like a madame? [Hyacinth] I'm foolish! I know whom he needs, and he loves her too! [Duchess] Where is she? [Hyacinth] My place. [Duchess] The brothel? [General Geranium] Let's go, on the double! [Duchess] Calm down, men. This is not state business; it's women's business. *** [Girls] Good afternoon, Your Grace! [Hyacinth] Where is Poppy? The Duchess has a favor to ask of you. A pearl. Innocent as an apple. Please follow me. [Duchess] Don't undress, child. We're not here for that, dear. Tell me, do you know men? [Coquelicot] No, but I'd like to. [Duchess] That's why you came here? [Coquelicot] Yes. I've a good chance of finding one. [Duchess] Who told you that? [Coquelicot] My little finger. [Duchess] You haven't seen anyone else? [Coquelicot] No. [Duchess] She's the one we need. [Hyacinth] Look at these curls! [Duchess] She'll have to stick out her chest more. Head still. Only the legs move. [Hyacinth] Some blue on the eyelids. An orange blossom in her bosom. [Coquelicot] Can't I go as I am? [Duchess & Hyacinth] What a good idea! [Hyacinth] To your fiance, the King! [Coquelicot] Calm down, ladies. When you want a man, you mustn't be obvious. [Hyacinth] We're just so pleased. [Duchess] Your coat. [Coquelicot] Just my tutu. It's my favorite outfit. [Hyacinth] You're going out like that? [Coquelicot] Yes, on a wire. [Duchess] On a wire? [Hyacinth] On a wire? [Duchess] The King's marrying an acrobat! *** [The Crazy Barber] Gentlemen, let's tiptoe out. [Private Charles Plumpick] Who are you? [Coquelicot] Poppy. Your fiancee. [Private Charles Plumpick] Oh, yes. That's right. I don't need anybody. [Coquelicot] That's not true. [Private Charles Plumpick] I'm a loner, like everybody, with one idea. [Coquelicot] To marry me! [Private Charles Plumpick] How did you get in? [Coquelicot] Through the window. We're getting married. [Private Charles Plumpick] I might have known. It's starting again. [Coquelicot] Yes, everything's starting. I'm a little naive because, well -- I don't know. But we'll make up for lost time. [Private Charles Plumpick] Lost time! What time is it? *** [Private Charles Plumpick] 6:00! There's got to be a way out! There's got to be! This is madness! I can't let it happen! I've got to get in there! I've got to! Now we'll see some sparks fly! Or we'll know the reason why! I can't take it anymore! Why? Don't applaud, you fools! I'll be blown up! Do you know what dying means? Do you have any idea? [All] No. [Private Charles Plumpick] Listen. The enemy -- [Bishop Daisy] Where is he? [General Geranium] My army will charge. [Duke] No, I'll speak to him! [Private Charles Plumpick] I doubt it, but no matter. Listen. There are bombs wired here. Time bombs. Before midnight, in a little while, a spark -- explosion! It's all over! [Coquelicot] Who cares? [Private Charles Plumpick] I do! [Duke] If you need to examine all the ticktocks, we'll get them. [Private Charles Plumpick] What are you doing? [General Geranium] This is the last one, I assure you. [Private Charles Plumpick] Leave it. [General Geranium] Is that an order? [Private Charles Plumpick] It's my royal pleasure. [General Geranium] Well, in that case ... [Duchess] At last, you're laughing! [Private Charles Plumpick] It's just nerves. [Alberic] Your Majesty, your balloon. [Private Charles Plumpick] You can keep these balloons! I burst his balloon, and he claps! What characters! I can't let you die. Come on. I'll take you all with me! [Coquelicot] To the sea? [Private Charles Plumpick] No, to the snow. [Brunehaut] To a candy store? [Private Charles Plumpick] On vacation. [Hyacinth] On vacation? Is it far? [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes, very far. We'll pass the lines, then take a train, a boat -- [Duchess] To an island? [Private Charles Plumpick] To the other side of the sea. [Alberic] On horseback? [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes. Follow me! [Duke] Here's the King's horse! [General Geranium] Don't leave me all alone! [Duke] Coquelicot! [Private Charles Plumpick] Come along. Follow me. [Duke] Sir, come back. [Private Charles Plumpick] Follow me! Follow me! [Bishop Daisy] There are wild beasts! [The Crazy Barber] Can't you hear them? They're bloodthirsty. [Private Charles Plumpick] You must come with me. [Duke] There's a wall between us and the world out there. [General Geranium] It's too dangerous. [Private Charles Plumpick] Come on, for the last time! [Hyacinth] Charles! [Duchess] You have no idea how wicked they are out there! [Hyacinth] Charles! [Coquelicot] Charles! [Private Charles Plumpick] Onward! Oh! Pegasus! Oh, no, girl, what's the matter with you? Hey! [Hyacinth] Charles! [Private Charles Plumpick] Ah, if
they want to die, let them die! [Bishop Daisy] Sire, what's the point of traveling when everything you want is at home? [Duke] Long live the King on my word as a duke. [Private Charles Plumpick] Duke? Who made you a duke? [Duke] Who made you a king? [Private Charles Plumpick] Brother, yesterday you were in an asylum! [Duke] Are you jealous? And you, Mr. King, yesterday you were outside with "the others." [Duchess] Gentlemen, the King's polka. [General Geranium] Brilliant idea! A polka for a king. [General Geranium] What's wrong? We didn't say anything offensive. [The Crazy Barber] Who needs a king? We're all equal! [Duke] You and your communist ideas! [Bishop Daisy] Tempers. [Duchess] Enough! [Duke] You're right, sweetheart. Let's calm down. *** [Duke] Marie, everything is simple, even dying. [Duchess] How? [Duke] Just close your eyes and never open them again. [Duchess] But if I shut my eyes, I can no longer see trees or flowers, or your lovely moustache. I love its prickly caress. [Duke] Was I born for a love duet? [Duchess] Yes. We've been cuddling for 110 years! [Duke] We've been together for quite some time. *** [The Crazy Barber] What a gracious hour, Your Grace. [Bishop Daisy] You know why I've been coming up here every evening since -- My God, I was so young! I already knew that to love the world, you have to get away from it. *** [General Geranium] Have you ever noticed, Hyacinth, how peaceful it all is on the eve of a battle? How sweet it all seems? How it rests our conscience? [Hyacinth] Going to war? [General Geranium] I'm thinking of it. [Hyacinth] What army will lead you to victories? [General Geranium] There's the rub! [Hyacinth] Make your own army! [General Geranium] How? [Hyacinth] We'll make babies for you! [General Geranium] A battalion of sturdy boys! [Hyacinth] Make generals. [General Geranium] And a batch of pretty girls. [Hyacinth] All in brothels, like their mamas! Ah, I love you. The world's so simple. On one side men, and on the other side women. [General Geranium] On one side, the whores; on the other, the generals! You're right. Life is simple. *** [Private Charles Plumpick] Three minutes until 12:00. In three minutes, it'll be over. I don't want to die. [Coquelicot] No one's ever known his own death. [Private Charles Plumpick] There are only three minutes to live. [Coquelicot] Three minutes is great. [Private Charles Plumpick] You're right. [Coquelicot] Charles, you'll see the knight come out. [Private Charles Plumpick] What do you mean? [Coquelicot] The knight comes out at midnight. [Private Charles Plumpick] Where? [Coquelicot] Up there. On the clock. At midnight. [Private Charles Plumpick] The password! *** [Private Charles Plumpick] Saved! [Duke] Saved! [Private Charles Plumpick] We are saved! [General Geranium] Good work, men. I've done these sorts of things before. [Coquelicot] Charles! [Private Charles Plumpick] Long live the Queen! *** [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Midnight? Good show. Pumpernickel pulled it off. The man's a hero. The town is ours. Any more of your drunken ravings, MacFish, and I'll have you locked up. Be thankful I'm in a good mood, man. [Mac Fish] Sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Forward, Sergeant Major! [Mac Fish] Sir! Company, prepare to fall in! Fall in! *** [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Five minutes after midnight! Five minutes late! Nothing went off, Hamburger! You checked the bombs? [Lieut. Hamburger] Yes, sir! [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Sorry. Lieutenant! Take him away! Retreat! [Lieutenant] Fire! *** [Coquelicot] I want to make love. [Private Charles Plumpick] With a king? You're not afraid? [Coquelicot] You must be marvelous. [Private Charles Plumpick] Tell me later. [Hyacinth] The soldiers! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Good show, Pumpernickel. First rate. Jolly good. [Private Charles Plumpick] Yes. Sir, I couldn't have done it without them, sir. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] I must say, how fiendishly clever. That bit about the chimpanzee. [Private Charles Plumpick] I was worried that the townspeople are a wee bit on the -- [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Love to see the Jerry's face who intercepted that messenger, eh? [Private Charles Plumpick] Surely, sir, the men you sent after me must have told you that -- [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] You think I'd listen to anything that dipsomaniac has to say? MacFish! [Mac Fish] Yes, sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] We'll bivouac here. [Mac Fish] Here, sir? [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Yes. [Duke] The Duke, the Duchess, my wife. An old bat, but I love her. [Duchess] I'd love to curl myself around that cute moustache! [Private Charles Plumpick] Sir, I really must explain to you -- [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Later, please, Pumpernickel. Later. Pleased to meet you, General. Long live France! [General Geranium] Viva la France? [Duchess] Let's celebrate! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] I don't have the time. [Duchess] Don't waste it. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] MacFish! Overnight pass for all the troops, Sergeant Major! Give me a moment to change into decent clothes. [Private Charles Plumpick] Sir, I must explain to you. [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Later, Pumpernickel, later. I'm too busy listening to the music. [Coquelicot] What's under their kilts? [Bishop Daisy] Nothing! [Hyacinth] You mean everything! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] This is the greatest day of my life! [Duchess] I'd like fireworks! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] MacFish! [Mac Fish] Yes, sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] You heard the lady. [Mac Fish] No, sir! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] We would like a display of fireworks. [Mac Fish] What shall I use for fireworks, sir? [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Cannon, mortar, powder.Good heaven, man. I have to do all your thinking for you? *** [Lieutenant] Look, Colonel! [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Victory! The town has blown up! Everyone is dead! [Lieutenant] Yes, but Hamburger is, too. [Col. Helmut Von Krack] The Iron Cross is precious. Even posthumously. *** [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] My life is at your feet. What would you like? [Duchess] Another ice cream, a pretty ring, and a parade. [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Here's the parade. In any case, it's time to leave. Mac Fish! Fall the company in. [Mac Fish] Sir! Company, fall in! On the double! Plumpick, fall in behind the church. [Coquelicot] I'll be waiting at Hyacinth's brothel. [Private Charles Plumpick] Don't be afraid. I'll return covered with medals. [Mac Fish] Hurry up, Plumpick. [Private Charles Plumpick] Good-bye, Poppy! [General Geranium] Make way for the parade! [Mac Fish] Hurry! Hurry up! Hurry! Hurry up! Move it now! Company, shoulder arms! [Coquelicot] The King is going to war. [Hyacinth] You're letting him go? [Coquelicot] Yes, he's going to get medals! [Hyacinth] What next? Say good-bye to His Majesty. Let's kiss him and bring him to the parade! [Mac Fish] Company, forward march! [Private Charles Plumpick] Let me go! I have to leave. [Coquelicot] Charles! Be still! [General Geranium] More of them! [Bishop Daisy] All over the place, like rats! [Duke] They act like they don't know each other. [Bishop Daisy] Of course not ... they're foreign regiments. [Duke] No umbrellas? [General Geranium] The last bouquet! [Private Charles Plumpick] Clear out, or you'll all get it! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Ready, aim, fire! Surrender! [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Never! [Col. Alexander MacBibenbrook] Never? [Col. Helmut Von Krack] Never! [General Geranium] Don't you think these actors are a bit over the top? [Coquelicot] What funny people. [The Crazy Barber] Thousands of soldiers, cannons, autos, coming from every direction. [General Geranium] What on earth can it be? [Private Charles Plumpick] The "liberators." [Duke] This joke has lasted long enough. Let's go to bed. [General Geranium] Your Majesty, we leave you with your people. [Coquelicot] Good-bye, Charles. [Duke] Come. Let's go home. [Man] General, my town kept faith. *** [General] Private Plumpick -- You are receiving an army citation. Your bird too. An A-1 winged creature. Rare bird and soldier. Brave and astute. You pulverized your enemy. Good job. And I would like to add my own embrace to that which the president of the Republic sends you. [Lieutenant] Plumpick, you're going up to the front again immediately. The Jerries are still holding on to this town and we're going to blow it sky-high. *** [Nun] [doorbell rings] What now? [Duke] It's your turn, Your Majesty. [Private Charles Plumpick] I still don't understand the rules. [Bishop Daisy] There aren't any. [General Geranium] Well, you're here now. And you won't be running off anymore. [Private Charles Plumpick] I'm staying here, General. I'm not going anywhere. [Duke] Smart thinking. The most beautiful journeys are taken through the window. END |