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THE INTELLIGENCE AGENTS

 

Robert Anton Wilson is known throughout the Solar System as a Flamboyant Philanthropist.  An early investor in Space Manufacturing and High-Orbital Real Estate, Wilson was one of the first generation of Einsteinian Go-go Billionaires -- new Rockefellers, Stigwoods, Mellons -- whose willingness to spray out millions of dollars for space-seed ventures led to the anarchic flowering of post-terrestrial Plan-Its.

Wilson's legendary tycoon-exploits have shadowed his earlier career as neurologician and author in the pre-flight years.  He first achieved global fame in the early 1960's as a neurolog philosopher.  During the 1970's his Illuminatus Trilogy and Cosmic Trigger became classic texts for self-actualized mutants.  During the 1980's he climaxed his literary fame by publishing block-busting best-sellers:  Shroedinger's Cat, Masks of the Illuminatus, Son of Illiuminatus.  His spectacular career as film director followed.

When Wilson migrated into High Orbit in 1993 he left several mysterious manuscripts, perusal of which has led to nervous breakdowns in certain East-Coast publishers.

Reprinted from PEEPLE MAGAZINE, March 1986


Marilyn's Input System
by Robert Anton Wilson

When night came, Marilyn was often to be found in the Odeon, one of the special world cafes whose exact function is unspoken, indeed, has never been focused. Albert Einstein, James Joyce, Marysia Harcourt-Smith, John Schewel, Richard Helms, V.I. Lenin, Rosemary Woodruff, Carl Jung, Leon Trotsky, Nena von Schlebrugge, Allen Dulles, Liz Elliot, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Herman Hesse, drank coffee at these marbled tables and dealt answers to espionage inquiries.

It was a balmy night in Zurich and Marilyn was late as usual. When SHe was scheduled to be somewhere for dinner at eight, it was hir custom to lie in the bath tub for an hour or longer. Eight o'clock would come and go and still SHe would remain splashing in the cozy tub, pouring perfumes in the water, refilling the bath over and over again with fresh hot H20.

Marilyn knew what SHe was doing. Giving little Norma Jean a treat. As a child SHe was forced to bathe in water dirtied by six or eight people from the studio Publicity Department.

After SHe swept into the crowded restaurant the host presented hir to the other guest of honor. "Marilyn, this is Dick Helms."

Marilyn was quite surprised. SHe had expected a reserved Italian sporting gentleman in a grey suit, with a grey tie and a sprinkle of grey in hir hair. Instead SHe found hirself smiling at a loud, flashy fellow whose posture and bearing spelled W.O.L.F.!

Helms said, "What's happening, Mozarella," gazing directing at hir osso bucco. (the Latin origin of the word O.S.S. is bone.) SHe then fell silent. They sat next to each other. The only communication was Helm's investigative hand under the tablecloth.

Then Marilyn became aware of something odd. The other men at the table, a motley crew of code-stealers and axle-sanders, weren't showing off for hir or telling their stories for hir. No, it was Mr. Helms they were wooing! This was a novelty! No woman had ever put hir so much in the shade before. And they call this an intelligence agency! SHe thought.

Finally the moment came. Mr. Helms leaned toward hir and flashed that famous, wry, thin-lipped Allen Dulles smile. "Tell me, little mozzarella, how do you expand your input?

"To expand input," Marilyn replied softly, "does not mean to read a lot of books. I notice, Mr. Helms, that you C.I.A. agents don't spend much time in libraries. Books give old facts interpreted in terms of old-reality maps. Few books written before 1976 have the post-terrestrial, genetic point of view. Believe it or not, Sir, they didn't even know about gene-pools or planet-spin in those days.

"My advice to you, Mr. Helms, is to infiltrate the future. Locate the neurogenetic centers where the future action is happening. There you will find the Intelligence Agents, the Out-Castes."

"How do we locate the future?" asked Helms absently. SHe was really wondering if Marilyn's cleavage indicated a parthenogenetic mode of sexual reproduction.

My advice to you, Mr. Helms, is to infiltrate the future.

"Well," murmured Marilyn, licking hir luscious lips and giggling, "Counter-Intelligence Agents consistently make the mistake of focusing on today's bureaucrat-power-holders, who are already outdated by the Pre-Dom Species. In slow moving pre-technological eras this was a passable strategy. We Evolutionary Agents always focus on the Pre-Dom Species. The stages to come. Recall that Aristotle hung out with the teenage Alexander of Macedon not the reigning Philip.

"I humbly suggest, Mr. Helms, that you locate the Western Frontier Centers and exchange signals with the youthful elite who are always visible in frontal-lobe regions. In every terrestrial society there are pupal training centers to which the most successful gene-pools send their most intelligent larvals. The future of each gene-pool is blueprinted in the minds of its superior adolescents. Teenage brains are the hatcheries of future-realities.
 

Sign up for the college lecture circuit in the Sun Belt of the good ole U.S.A.

"In Eastern countries you will find university students docile and insectoid obedient. Guess what this hive devotion predicts for the future of China.

"In the mid-brain Semitic countries you will find university students violently nationalistic and fanatically patriotic.

"In French elite academies you will find serious technocrats. Mon Dieu, Mr. Helms, imagine what that means for the future of France. Tant Pis.

"At the Frontal Lobe Sun Belt Universities you will find the young of the Pre-Dom Species obsessed with disciplined Self-Actualized Hedonic Freedom.

"So I would advise you, Mr. Helms, to sign up for the college lecture circuit in the Sun Belt of the good ole U.S.A. There you will learn what is going to happen. And perhaps, maybe, you can influence this hatching future a tiny, tiny bit."


VALENTINA VLADIMIROVNA TERESHKOVA*
(born March 6, 1937)

who, by spending 2 days, 22 hours and 50 minutes in zero gravity became the fastest (17,450 m.p.h.) and the highest (143.5 miles) and most post-terrestrial (2 days, 22 hours, 50 minutes) Woman in the Terrestrial History of Planet Earth.

* Later married to Andreyan Grigoryevich Nikolayev


WINTER 1977
TUCSON LECTURE
THE DARK AGES: COCOON PREPARATION FOR MIGRATION

Then the westward wave of gene-pools swam up to this hemisphere.  Sailing ships unloading mutant-migrant sperm-egg cargoes on the New England ledges.  At this moment, I want to look around the room and tell you, my fellow Americans, that there are certain facts we should remember about ourselves.  Each person in this room is the seed descendant of evolutionary-wave-surfers.  Descendants of Out-Caste foremothers and forefathers who were sent by their gene-pools up the Atlantic into the new ecological vacuum.

In our liberal concern to avoid chauvinist-nationalism we sometimes lose sight of the basic thrust of the North American immigration, the genetic glory of America.  My friends, I've climbed back-down to Africa.  I've time-traveled in Asia and I've descended to Europe.  Sometimes voluntarily and sometimes on the run.  (Laughter)  I love Old World cultures.  The heritage, the tradition, the good wine, the cathedrals, the thatched roofs, the cobblestoned streets, the folklore.  I love the quaint, quaint, quaint, cute quaintness.  I love the old possessions, I love the sense of roots that you get there.

I've time-travelled in Asia and I've descended to Europe.

But I must tell you, my fellow Americans, no future is fabricating in the ebb-tide Old World, because for four centuries the smartest, most courageous, most restless, most freedom-loving, most imaginative, most ambitious sperm-egg carriers have been expelled from Old World gene-pools and have surfed the North Atlantic waves.  Splashing up here to make this country a volatile, brawling, frontier breeding experiment.  America is where you'll find the change chromosomes and the freedom-genes because Americans formed new gene-pools composed of Out-Caste elites.  Everyone senses that the next step in evolution is going to happen here in the Sun Belt.  The Old World gene-pools are still sending their most intelligent evolutionary surfers over here to help shape the future.

America is where you'll find the change chromosomes and the freedom-genes ...

Look at the globe today.  (We often get too involved in hive-politics -- so space out for a moment.)  Notice the enormous walls built across Eastern countries to prevent intelligence from moving West.*  The Berlin Wall is a genetic barrier to hold down the westward wave of freedom loving mutants.  East European countries are literally medium security prisons.

When I was a fugitive from Nixon's agents, at one point I found myself underground in Vienna.  Some friends took me over to the Czechoslovakia border.  It was both horrible memory and dread premonition to walk along the border between Austria and Czechoslovakia.  My God, it was an enormous Folsom prison!  Wire fences, guard towers and sharpshooters with guns to stop migrating genes from following the magnetic pull.  There is a simple navigational direction for the evolution of intelligence and freedom -- always Westward.

_______________

* There is only one political criterion by which you can judge a country.  Does it allow free exit?  Does it imprison its people in the hive or does it allow self-selected egress?  No matter how repressive the regime, if it permits dissidents to leave -- it is a free land.  Frontiers are genetic escalators.  Those rebels who refuse to leave the hive who stay to overthrow the Dictator are by definition dumber than the evil they wish to replace.

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