Site Map

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY --  HELL'S DONKEYS VIGNETTE

by Douglas Adams
 

"You are ignoramus, you are a burro, Mr. Danger ... or to say it to you in my bad English," he said, switching languages with an exaggerated accent, "you are a donkey, Mr. Danger. You are a donkey, Mr. George W. Bush."  -
-- Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela

***

"Donkeys and ducks are placed everywhere in Opus Dei houses as a reminder of the Founder, because he said that numeraries should work hard like a donkey at the working wheel and should also be noisy to recruit people like the duck."
-- How Opus Dei is Cult-Like, by Sharon Clasen

***

"THE SERVITORS OF BEELZEBUB: LAMARION: A donkey-headed beast the size of a spaniel with a long twisted tail; LAMALON: Has human feet, thin legs, and a skinny body; the head is huge and a goats, the arms long and skinny."
--
The Scented Garden of Abdullah the Satirist of Shiraz, by Ordo Templi Orientis, aka CIA

***

"When you have seen the one who makes the grass green, it's like meeting your own father in a crowd -- you'll have no doubt whatsoever.

Nasruddin went galloping through Baghdad one day on his donkey. He went up every street and into every alley and across every plaza. Every place he goes, an unending race, a hunt and search. Everybody got curious, everybody came out of their houses, and they were all yelling, 'Nasruddin, Nasruddin, what are you looking for?' He said, 'I lost my donkey, and I'm looking for it.'

The donkey represents what everybody is looking for, which is a mystical school. It's the answer to all the riddles of the universe. And you hunt for east, west, north, south, up, down, everywhere you can imagine, and all the time it's carrying you around. It's the human nervous system which takes out of the infinity of the universe the little reality tunnel that you consider reality, which is your creation, which you think is the whole of the universe, unless you went to a Sufi school, or studied General Semantics, or did a lot of Zen meditation, or dropped LSD once or twice. Then you realize the universe is much bigger and more complicated than any little map we can make of it. The map is not the territory. The words that describe the map are not the territory, are even further from the territory.

What I've been trying to do is put the donkey on your back in such a way you'll never forget the master, the great magician who makes the grass green, the one who creates the whole universe you live in."



--
Maybe Logic -- The Lives and Ideas of Robert Anton Wilson

***

[Fat Cowboy] Did you ever see a catfish riding on a yellow jackass before?
[Toothless Cowboy] Not that I can remember.
[Dr. Lao] No touch. Him Golden Ass of Apuleius. Him very mean. No touch.

-- Seven (7) Faces of Dr. Lao, directed by George Pal

[Priest] But are you not a more fiendish disputant than the Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate Neutron Wrangler on Ciceronicus 12?!

[Computer]  The Great Omnicognate Neutron Wrangler

[Computer] could talk all four legs off an Arcturan megadonkey,

[Computer] but only I could persuade it to go for a walk afterwards!


[Arthur] Hosts?  I don't see any hosts!

[Arthur] Ugh!  There are mice on the table!

[Arthur] Yes ... sorry.  I ... wasn't quite prepared for ...

[Trillian] Let me introduce you.

[Trillian] This is Benjy mouse.

[Benjy] Hi, there!

[Trillian] And this is ... Frankie mouse.

[Frankie] Pleased to meet you!

[Arthur] Aren't they ...

[Trillian] The mice I brought from Earth.

[Arthur] Well ...

[Trillian] Try some grated Arcturan megadonkey.


[Zaphod] Where's the teleport?

[Arthur] Under this sign that says "Out of order."  There.

[Zaphod] Hell's donkeys!

Return to Table of Contents