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Chapter 5
Elias Tate, throwing himself down on a heap of Rybys's dirty
clothes, said, "Do you have any real coffee? Not that joke stuff
the mother ship peddles to you." He grimaced.
"I have some," Rybys said, "but I don't know where it is."
"Have you been throwing up frequently?" Elias said to her,
eyeing her. "Every day or so?"
"Yes." She glanced at Herb Asher, amazed.
"You're pregnant," Elias Tate said.
"I'm in chemo!" Rybys said angrily, her face dark red with
fury. "I'm heaving up my guts because of the goddam Neurotoxite and the Prednoferic --"
"Consult your computer terminal," Elias said.
There was silence.
"Who are you?" Herb Asher said.
"A Wild Beggar," Elias said.
"Why do you know so much about me?" Rybys said.
Elias said, "I came to be with you. I'll be with you from now
on. Consult your terminal."
Seating herself at her computer terminal, Rybys placed her
arm in the M.E.D. slot. "I hate to put it to you this way," she
said to Elias and Herb Asher, "but I'm a virgin."
"Get out of here," Herb Asher said quietly to the old man.
"Wait until M.E.D. gives her the test result," Elias said.
Tears filled Rybys's eyes. "Shit. This is just terrible. I have
M.S. and then now this, as if M.S. isn't enough."
To Herb Asher, Elias said, "She must return to Earth. The
authorities will permit it; her illness will be sufficient legal
cause."
To the computer terminal, which had now locked onto the
M.E.D. channel, Rybys said brokenly, "Am I pregnant?"
Silence.
The terminal said, "You are three months pregnant, Ms.
Rommey."
Rising, Rybys walked to the port of the dome and stared
fixedly out at the methane panorama. No one spoke.
"It's Yah, isn't it?" Rybys said presently.
"Yes," Elias said.
"This was planned out a long time ago," Rybys said.
"Yes," Elias said.
"And my M.S. is so there is a legal pretext for me to return to
Earth."
"To get you past Immigration," Elias said.
Rybys said, "And you know all about it." She pointed at
Herb Asher. "He's going to say he's the father."
"He will," Elias said, "and he will go with you. So will I.
You'll be checking in at Bethesda Naval Hospital at Chevy
Chase. We'll go by emergency axial flight, high-velocity flight,
because of the seriousness of your physical condition. We should
start as soon as possible. You already have the papers in your
possession, the necessary legal papers requesting a transfer back
home."
"Yah made me sick?" Rybys said.
After a pause Elias nodded.
"What is this?" Rybys said furiously. "A coup of some kind?
You're going to smuggle --"
Interrupting her, Elias said in a low, harsh voice, "The
Roman X Fretensis."
"Masada," Rybys said. "Seventy-three C.E. Right? I thought
so. I started thinking so when a Clem told me about the mountain
deity at our Station Five."
"He lost," Elias said. "The Tenth Legion was made up of
fifteen thousand experienced soldiers. But Masada held out for
almost two years. And there were less than a thousand Jews at
Masada, including women and children."
To Herb Asher, Rybys said, "Only seven women and children
survived the fall of Masada. It was a Jewish fortress. They had
hidden in a water conduit." To Elias Tate she said, "And Yahweh was driven from the Earth."
"And the hopes of man," Elias said, "faded away."
Herb Asher said, "What are you two talking about?"
"A fiasco," Elias Tate said briefly.
"So he -- Yah -- first makes me sick, and then he --" She
broke off. "Did he start out from this star system originally? Or
was he driven here?"
"He was driven here," Elias said. "There is a zone around
Earth now. A zone of evil. It keeps him out."
"The Lord?" Rybys said. "The Lord is kept out? Away from
Earth?" She stared at Elias Tate.
"The people of Earth do not know," Elias Tate said.
"But you know," Herb Asher said. "Right? How do you
know all these things? How do you know so much? Who are
you?"
Elias Tate said, "My name is Elijah."
***
The three of them sat together drinking tea. Rybys's face had
an embittered, stark expression on it, a look of fury; she said
almost nothing.
"What bothers you the most?" Elias Tate said. "The fact that
Yah was driven off Earth, that he was defeated by the Adversary,
or that you have to go back to Earth carrying him inside you?"
She laughed. "Leaving my station."
"You have been honored," Elias said.
"Honored with illness," Rybys said; her hand shook as she
lifted her cup to her lips.
"Do you realize who it is that you carry in your womb?"
Elias said.
"Sure," Rybys said.
"You are not impressed," Elias said.
"I had my life all planned out," Rybys said.
"I think you're taking a small view of this," Herb Asher said.
Both Elias and Rybys glanced at him with distaste, as if he had
intruded. "Maybe I don't understand," he said, weakly.
Reaching out her hand, Rybys patted him. "It's OK. I don't
understand either. Why me? I asked that when I came down with
the M.S. Why the hell me? Why the hell you? You have to leave
your station, too; and your Fox tapes. And lying all day and night
in your bunk doing nothing, with your gear on auto. Christ. Well,
I guess Job had it right. God afflicts those he loves."
"The three of us will travel to Earth," Elias said, "and there
you will give birth to your son, Emmanuel. Yah planned this at
the beginning of the age, before the defeat at Masada, before the
fall of the Temple. He foresaw his defeat and moved to rectify
the situation. God can be defeated but only temporarily. With
God the remedy is greater than the malady."
"'Felix culpa,'" Rybys said.
"Yes," Elias agreed. To Herb Asher he explained, "It means
'happy fault,' referring to the fall, the original fall. Had there
been no fall perhaps there would have been no Incarnation. No
birth of Christ."
"Catholic doctrine," Rybys said remotely. "I never thought
it would apply to me personally."
Herb Asher said, "But didn't Christ conquer the forces of
evil? He said, 'I have overcome the world.'"
"Well," Rybys said, "apparently he was wrong."
"When Masada fell," Elias said, "all was lost. God did not
enter history in the first century C.E.; he left history. Christ's
mission was a failure."
"You are very old," Rybys said. "How old are you, Elias?
Almost four thousand years, I guess. You can take a long-term
view but I can't. You've known this about the First Advent all
this time? For two thousand years?"
"As God foresaw the original fall," Elias said,
"he also foresaw that Jesus would not be acceptable. It was known to God
before it happened."
"What does he know about this now?" Rybys said.
"What
we are going to do?"
Elias was silent.
"He doesn't know," Rybys said.
"This --" Elias hesitated.
"The final battle," Rybys said. "It could go either way.
Couldn't it?"
"In the end," Elias said, "God wins. He has absolute foresight."
"He can know," Rybys said, "but does that mean he
can --
Look, I really don't feel well. It's late and I'm sick and I'm worn
out and I feel as if ..." She gestured. "I'm a virgin and I'm
pregnant. The Immigration doctors will never believe it."
Herb Asher said, "I think that's the point. That's why I'm
supposed to marry you and come along."
"I'm not going to marry you; I don't even know you." She
stared at him. "Are you kidding? Marry you? I've got M.S. and
I'm pregnant. Damn it, both of you; go away and leave me
alone. I mean it. Why didn't I take that bottle of Seconax when I
had the chance? I never had the chance; Yah was watching. He
sees even the fallen sparrow. I forgot."
"Do you have any whiskey?" Herb Asher said.
"Oh fine," Rybys said bitterly. "You can get drunk but can
I? With M.S. and some kind of baby inside me? There I was" --
she glared hatefully at Elias Tate -- "picking up your thoughts
visually on my TV set, and I imagined in my deluded folly that it
was
a corny soap opera dreamed up by writers at Fomalhaut
--
pure fiction. Arachnids were going to decapitate you? Is that what
your unconscious fantasies consist of? And you're Yahweh's
spokesperson?" She blanched. "I spoke the Sacred Name.
Sorry."
"Christians speak it all the time," Elias said.
Rybys said, "But I'm a Jew. I would be a Jew; that's what got
me into this. If I was a Gentile Yah wouldn't have picked me. If
I'd ever been laid I'd --" She broke off. "The Divine Machinery
has a peculiar brutality to it," she finished. "It isn't romantic.
It's cruel; it really is."
"Because there is so much at stake," Elias said.
"What is at stake?" Rybys said.
"The universe exists because Yah remembers it," Elias said.
Both Herb Asher and Rybys stared at him.
"If Yah forgets, the universe ceases," Elias said.
"Can he forget?" Rybys said.
"He has yet to forget," Elias said elliptically.
"Meaning he could forget," Rybys said. "Then that's what
this is about. You just spelled it out. I see. Well --" She shrugged
and then reflexively sipped at her cup of tea. "Then I wouldn't
exist in the first place except for Yah. Nothing would exist."
Elias said, "His name means 'He Brings into Existence What
ever Exists.'"
"Including evil?" Herb Asher asked.
"It says in Scripture," Elias said, "thus:
"... So that men from the rising and the setting sun
May know that there is none but I:
I am the LORD, there is no other;
I make the light, I create darkness,
author alike of prosperity and trouble.
I, the LORD, do all these things."
"Where does it say that?" Rybys said.
"Isaiah forty-five," Elias said.
"'Prosperity and trouble,'" Rybys echoed. "'Weal and
woe.'"
"Then you know the passage." Elias regarded her.
"It's hard to believe," she said.
"It is monotheism," Elias said harshly.
"Yes," she said, "I guess it is. But it's brutal. What's happening to me is brutal. And there's more ahead. I want out and I
can't get out. Nobody asked me originally. Nobody is asking me
now. Yah foresees what lies ahead but I don't, except that there's
more cruelty and pain and throwing up. Serving God seems to
mean throwing up and shooting yourself with a needle every day.
I am a diseased rat in a kind of cage. That's what he's made me
into. I have no faith and no hope and he has no love, only power.
God is a symptom of power, nothing else. The hell with it. I give
up, I don't care. I'll do what I have to but it will kill me and I
know it. OK?"
The two men were silent. They did not look at her or at e~ch
other.
Herb Asher said finally, "He saved your life tonight. He sent
me over here."
"That and five credpops will get you a cupee of Kaff," Rybys
said. "He gave me the illness in the first place!"
"And he's guiding you through," Herb said.
"To what end?" she said.
"To emancipate an infinitude of lives," Elias said.
"Egypt," she said. "And the brick makers. Over and over
again. Why doesn't the emancipation last? Why does it fade out?
Isn't there any final resolution?"
"This," Elias said, "is that final resolution."
"I am not one of the emancipated," Rybys said. "I fell along
the way."
"Not yet," Elias said.
"But it's coming."
"Perhaps." The expression on Elias Tate's face could not be
read.
As the three of them sat, there came a low, murmuring voice
which said, "Rybys, Rybys."
Rybys gave a muffled cry and looked around her.
"Fear not," the voice said. "You will live on in your son.
You cannot now die, nor even unto the end of the age."
Silently, her face buried in her hands, Rybys began to cry.
***
Late in the day, when school had ended, Emmanuel decided
to try the Hermetic transform once again, so that he would know
the world around him.
First he speeded up his internal biological clock so that his
thoughts raced faster and faster; he felt himself rushing down the
tunnel of linear time until his rate of movement along that axis
was enormous. First, therefore, he saw vague floating colors and
then he suddenly encountered the Watcher, which is to say the
Grigon, who barred the way between the Lower and Upper
Realms. The Grigon presented itself to him as a nude female torso
that he could reach out and touch, so close was it. Beyond this
point he began to travel at the rate of the Upper Realm, so that
the Lower Realm ceased to be something but became, instead, a
process; it evolved in accretional layers at a rate of 31.5 million
to one in terms of the Upper Realm's time scale.
Thereupon he saw the Lower Realm -- not as a place -- but as
transparent pictures permutating at immense velocity. These pictures were the Forms outside of space being fed into the Lower
Realm to become reality. He was one step away, now, from the
Hermetic transform.
The final picture froze and time ceased for him. With his eyes
shut he could still see the room around him; the flight had ended;
he had eluded that which pursued him. That meant that his neural
firing was perfect, and his pineal body registered the presence of
light carried up its branch of the optic conduit.
He sat for a little while, although "little while" no longer
signified anything. Then, by degrees, the transform took place.
He saw outside him the pattern, the print, of his own brain; he
was within a world made up of his brain, with living information
carried here and there like little rivers of shining red that were
alive. He could reach out, therefore, and touch his own thoughts
in their original nature, before they became thoughts. The room
was filled with their fire, and immense spaces stretched out, the
volume of his own brain external to him.
Meanwhile he introjected the outer world so that he contained
it within him. He now had the universe inside him and his own
brain outside everywhere. His brain extended into the vast
spaces, far larger than the universe had been. Therefore he knew the extent of all things that were himself, and, because he had
incorporated the world, he knew it and controlled it.
He soothed himself and relaxed, and then could see the outlines of the room, the coffee table, a chair, walls, pictures on the
walls: the ghost of the external universe lingering outside him.
Presently he picked up a book from the table and opened it.
Inside the book he found, written there, his own thoughts, now
in a printed form. The printed thoughts lay arranged along the
time axis which had become spacial and the only axis along which
motion was possible. He could see, as in a hologram, the different
ages of his thoughts, the most recent ones being closest to the
surface, the older ones lower and deeper in many successive
layers.
He regarded the world outside him which now had become
reduced to spare geometric shapes, squares mostly, and the
Golden Rectangle as a doorway. Nothing moved except the scene
beyond the doorway, where his mother rushed happily among
tangled old rosebushes and a farmland she had known as a child;
she was smiling and her eyes were bright with joy.
Now, Emmanuel thought, I will change the universe that I
have taken inside me. He regarded the geometric shapes and
allowed them to fill up a little with matter. Across from him the
ratty blue couch that Elias prized began to warp away from
plumb; its lines changed. He had taken away the causality that
guided it and it stopped being a ratty blue couch with Kaff stains
on it and became instead a Hepplewhite cabinet, with fine bone
china plates and cups and saucers behind its doors.
He restored a certain measure of time -- and saw Elias Tate
come and go about the room, enter and leave; he saw accretional
layers laminated together in sequence along the linear time axis.
The Hepplewhite cupboard remained for a short series of layers;
it held its passive or off or rest mode, and then it was whisked
over into its active or on or motion mode and joined the permanent world of the phylogons, participating now in all those of its
class that had come before. In his projected world brain the Hepplewhite cabinet, and its bone china pieces, became incorporated
into true reality forever. It would now undergo no more changes,
and no one would see it but he. It was, to everyone else, in the
past.
He completed the transform with the formulary of Hermes
Trismegistus:
Verum est ... quod superius est sicut quod inferius et quod
inferius est sicut quod superius, ad perpetrando miracula rei
unius.
That is:
The truth is that what is above is like what is below and what
is below is like what is above, to accomplish the miracles of
the one thing.
This was the Emerald Tablet, presented to Maria Prophetissa,
the sister of Moses, by Tehuti himself, who gave names to all
created things in the beginning, before he was expelled from the
Palm Tree Garden.
That which was below, his own brain, the microcosm, had
become the macrocosm, and, inside him as microcosm now, he
contained the macrocosm, which is to say, what is above.
I now occupy the entire universe, Emmanuel realized; I am
now everywhere equally. Therefore I have become Adam Kadmon, the First Man. Motion along the three spacial axes was
impossible for him because he was already wherever he wished
to go. The only motion possible for him or for changing reality
lay along the temporal axis; he sat contemplating the world of the
phylogons, billions of them in process, continually growing and
completing themselves, driven by the dialectic that underlay all
transformation. It pleased him; the sight of the interconnected
network of phylogons was beautiful to behold. This was the kosmos of pythagorias, the harmonious fitting-together of all things,
each in its right way and each imperishable.
I see now what Plotinus saw, he realized. But, more than that,
I have rejoined the sundered realms within me; I have restored
the Shekhina to En Sof. But only for a little while and only locally. Only in microform. It would return to what it had been as
soon as he released it.
"Just thinking," he said aloud.
Elias came into the room, saying as he came, "What are you
doing, Manny?"
Causality had been reversed; he had done what Zina could
do: make time run backward. He laughed in delight. And heard
the sound of bells.
"I saw Chinvat," Emmanuel said. "The narrow bridge. I
could have crossed it."
"You must not do that," Elias said.
Emmanuel said, "What do the bells mean? Bells ringing far
off."
"When you hear the distant bells it means that the Saoshyant
is present."
"The Saviour," Emmanuel said. "Who is the Saviour,
Elias?"
"It must be yourself," Elias said.
"Sometimes I despair of remembering."
He could still hear the bells, very far off, ringing slowly,
blown, he knew, by the desert wind. It was the desert itself
speaking to him. The desert, by means of the bells, was trying to
remind him. To Elias he said, "Who am I?"
"I can't say," Elias said.
"But you know."
Elias nodded.
"You could make everything very simple," Emmanuel said,
"by saying."
"You must say it yourself," Elias said. "When the time
comes you will know and you will say it."
"I am --" the boy said hesitantly.
Elias smiled.
***
She had heard the voice issue forth from her own womb. For
a time she felt afraid and then she felt sad; sometimes she cried,
and still the nausea continued -- it never let up. I don't recall
reading about that in the Bible, she thought. Mary being afflicted
with morning sickness. I'll probably get edema and stretch
marks. I don't remember reading about that either.
It would make a good graffito on some wall, she said to herself. THE VIRGIN MARY HAD STRETCH MARKS. She fixed herself a
little meal of synthetic lamb and green beans; seated alone at her table
she gazed out listlessly through the dome's port at the landscape. I really should clean up this place, she realized. Before
Elias and Herb come back. In fact, I should make a list of what I
have to do.
Most of all, she thought, I have to understand this situation.
He is already inside me. It has happened.
I need another wig, she decided. For the trip. A better one. I
think I'll try out a blond one that's longer. Goddam chemo, she
thought. If the ailment doesn't kill you the therapy will. The
remedy, she thought acidly, is worse than the malady. Look; I
turned it around. God, I feel sick.
And then, as she picked at her plate of cold, synthetic food, a
strange idea came to her. What if this is a maneuver by the
Clems? she said to herself. We invaded their planet; now they're
fighting back. They figured out what our conception of God involves. They're simulating that conception!
I wish mine was simulated, she ruminated.
But to get back to the point, she said to herself. They read our
minds or study our books -- never mind how they did it -- and
they fake us out. So what I have inside me is a computer terminal
or something, a glorified radio. I can see me going through Immigration.
"Anything to declare, Miss?" "Only a radio." Well,
she thought, where is this radio? I don't see any radio. Well, you
have to look real hard. No, sire thought; it's a matter for Customs, not Immigration. What is the declared value of this radio,
Miss? That would be hard to say, she answered in her mind.
You're not going to believe me but -- it's one of a kind. You don't
see radios like this every day.
I should probably pray, she decided.
"Yah," she said, "myself, I am weak and sick and afraid, and
I really don't want to be involved in this." Contraband, she
thought. I'm going to smuggle in contraband. "Lady, come with
me. We're going to conduct a complete body search. The matron
will be in here in a minute; just sit down and read a magazine."
I'll tell them it's an outrage, she thought. "What a surprise!"
Feigned amazement. "I have what inside me? You're kidding.
No, I have no idea how it got there. Will wonders never cease."
A strange lethargy came over her, a kind of hypnagogic state,
even as she sat reflexively eating. The embryo inside her had
begun to unfold a picture before her, a view by a mind totally
different from hers.
She realized, This is how they will view it. The powers of the
world.
What she saw, through their eyes, was a monster. The
Christian-Islamic Church and the Scientific Legate -- their fear
did not resemble her fear; hers had to do with effort and danger,
with what was required of her. But they -- She saw them consulting
Big Noodle, the AI System that processed Earth's information, the vast artificial intelligence on which the government
relied.
Big Noodle, after analyzing the data, informed the authorities
that something sinister had been smuggled past Immigration and
onto Earth; she felt their recoil, their aversion. Incredible, she
thought. To see the Lord of the universe through their eyes; to
see him as foreign. How could the Lord who created everything
be a foreign thing? They are not in his image, then she realized.
This is what Yah is telling me. I always assumed -- we were always taught
-- that man is the image of God. It is like calling to
like. Then they really believe in themselves! They sincerely do
not understand.
The monster from outer space, she thought. We must be on
guard perpetually lest it show up and sneak through Immigration.
How deranged they are. How far off the mark. Then they would
kill my baby, she thought. It is impossible but it is true. And no
one could make them understand what they had done. The Sanhedrin thought the same way, she said to herself, about Jesus.
This is another zealot. She shut her eyes.
They are living in a cheap horror film, she thought. There is
something wrong when you fear little children. When you view
them, anyone of them, as weird and awful. I don't want this
insight, she said to herself, drawing back in aversion. Take it
away, please; I've seen enough.
I understand.
She thought, This is why it has to be done. Because they see
as they do. They pray; they make decisions; they shield their
world -- they keep out hostile intrusions. To them this is a hostile
intrusion. They are demented; they would kill the God who made
them. No rational thing does that. Christ did not die on the cross
to render men spotless; he was crucified because they were
crazy; they saw as I see now. It is a vista of lunacy.
They think they are doing the right thing.
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