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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY -- ALMOST DEAD VIGNETTE

by Douglas Adams

(WAILING ANTHEM)

[Waiter] Good evening, madam, gentlemen.  Do you have a reservation?

[Ford] Reservation?

[Waiter] Yes, sir.

[Ford] Do you need a reservation for the afterlife?

[Waiter] The afterlife?

[Arthur] Is this the afterlife?

[Ford] Yeah. I mean, yeah! I mean, yeah ... There's no way we could have survived that blast in there.

[Arthur] No.

[Trillian] None at all.

[Zaphod] I certainly didn't survive. I was a total goner! Wham! Bam! And that was it!

[Ford] Yeah, we didn't stand a chance. We were blown to bits -- arms and legs everywhere!

[Zaphod] Yeah! Kerpow! Splat!

[Waiter] Would you care to order drinks?

[Zaphod] Instantaneously zonked into component molecules! Hey, Ford, did you get that thing of your whole life flashing before you?

[Ford] Yeah! Did you get that, too?  Oh! Your whole life!

[Zaphod] Yeah! At least, I assume it was mine. I spent a lot of time out of my skulls. So ...

[Ford] So what?

[Zaphod] Here we are, lying dead ...

[Trillian] Standing.

[Zaphod] Standing dead in this desolate ...

[Trillian] Restaurant.

[Zaphod] Standing dead in this desolate ...

[Trillian] Five-star restaurant.

[Zaphod] Well, yeah.

[Ford] Odd, isn't it?

[Trillian] Nice decor, though.

[Arthur] You know, it's not so much an afterlife, more sort of apres vie.

[Zaphod] Hey, you dead guys! We're missing some ultra important thing here -- something somebody said and we missed it!

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