CRAZY HORSE  MP3s

The Second Person, by Charles Carreon

When I hear Crazyhorse, it always reminds me of being in high school, which really was coincidentally supposed to be an education, but in my case brings mostly memories of time spent in cars. Particularly Brian Mehren's car, an old Impala that he drove most responsibly through the wildest times, at least as observed from the back seat, in which there were often too many of us, draped all over each other, hopefully stoned but mostly just infatuated with life and ourselves and each other.

In some way in those days I was looking for the pieces of the world I have tried to create today. I was looking for the thoughts and ideas that I would weave into the viewpoint I now occupy. Now I am in a different position of looking at the pieces that I have assembled and evaluating how they fit into the whole. It's a matter of trying to make the whole system of thought and attitude more streamlined, more effective.

Now I have this idea that we should be strategic in our pursuit of happiness. This isn't a new idea of course, and my lama Gyatrul Rinpoche was also big on the idea that Dharma is simply the wisest course of action. Which is of course one ass-kickin' tautology. Leaving us with the question: what is the wisest course of action? Is it a prefabbed answer from the book, a ritual that must be performed, an improvisation, or just whatever happens?

Lately I've been thinking about the fact that I often think of myself in the second person, as "he." I noticed it the other day, and it got my attention. I was thinking about myself, and I noticed I was thinking about how "he" might appear to others, but I was thinking about myself. It was like there was a second me in the room, which was actually in the position of all the other people in the world, monitoring from the periphery, to make sure I looked right from that perspective. In this environment, the sense of me was obscured, still present, but environmental, and not focused, like ambient light that doesn't dispel a sense of dimness.

Since then I've started experimenting with noticing when I feel like me. I noticed I was feeling like me as I sat on my bed reading Bruce Sterling's book "The Artificial Kid." Tasting my food feels like me. Other things, I think you can imagine, also strengthen the feeling of me.

Me, me, me. How taboo. I'm thinking of ways to experience myself as me. How selfish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.